The Daily Chai and How to Make a Choice

Today's Chai Latte is swimming in regret and wishes it could have been spicier. Not wanting it to suffer too badly, I drank it fast to ease its unhappiness. Yup, gonna be one of those days.

People have asked how was I 100% sure I was making the right choice? I will tell you. I was not 100% sure and I've wavered a lot over the past four months. How can you ever know that you are making the right choice when that choice means you are splitting your family up and possibly causing deep psychological pain to your children? The choice to leave a marriage is somewhat like starting a new relationship. You leap in, both feet, all in, on the FAITH that this relationship is going to be the right one, the one to end all other relationships. But you don't really know if that person is going to be the right person. You can't see inside someone else's head and we often put our faith in the wrong people. Human beings do it all that time and we get burned. Sometimes we only allow it to happen once, sometimes many, many times. But eventually, we do learn that nothing is 100% sure. Except death and taxes.

So how can I be 100% sure that I'm making the right choice? I can't, but based on the facts and based on my feelings and based on my self-worth as a human being, I'm making a semi-rational choice that I believe to be the correct one for my own sanity and well-being. I wish some higher being could come along and tell me I'm doing the right thing, but clearly that has not happened. I have to go with my gut.

I used to feel like time was running out for me. The thought that I am going to die one day and I'll have all these regrets, regrets that circle in my head like a flock of vultures, that thought nearly drove me mad. I used to go to bed each night thinking, "One day, my body is going to stop working and I will cease to be." And if I couldn't turn that thought off quickly enough, I would start having a panic attack about not existing anymore. I would imagine my heart stopping, my breath stopping and my thoughts stopping. Full stop. Nothing. A shell.   Death is really going to happen to me. Not just to other people, but to ME. It got to the point that I had to force myself out of the house, because I'd rather stay home and avoid dangerous situations like driving a car because I might die. Holy shit, right? But I will tell you something, I have not panicked about it once since I made this earth shattering decision. I have accepted that I will die and I'm not very happy about it, but I know now that my life is my own and I'm not going to die with all these regrets. I know that I will live my life the way I need to live it, without the burden of others' expectations on me. It won't always be the most amazing adventure ever, but I'm going to really, really enjoy the high times and let the low times just roll. Good with the bad, right? I will be the best mother, friend and person I can be, but on my own terms. That is about as 100% as I can be about what I've done.

The Daily Chai and Sex Ed

Today's chai latte was a grande and there was a little too much milk compared to the chai but the temperature was perfect. Hot, milky chai just scalding my mouth and throat a wee bit as I sucked that puppy back. 

So now that you know how my chai was I'm going to rant about people who don't want sexual education in the classroom. Sex is just another word for reproduction which is what the human body was built to do (if you choose to use your body to reproduce). The human body was also built with a heart that makes your blood flow, muscles that make you move, eyes that make you see and ears that make you listen. These are all natural functions of the human body, just like sex. There is nothing wrong with teaching children how the human body works, in fact, understanding your body and how it works is essential for a healthy, long life. That includes understanding sex and how sex can affect your health, both mental and physical. 

The changes children endure during puberty are also natural functions of the human body but they can be scary and unnerving if you don't understand what's happening. Some parents just can't talk to their kids about it and I get that. I freaked out a little when my oldest started growing boobs at the age of seven. And, when I told her how babies were made not that long ago (she is 8, for the record, and knew babies grow in mummy's uterus, but how the baby got in there was still a mystery until one fine day...) it was a pretty squirmy and uncomfortable conversation on both sides, I'm not going to lie.  But now she knows and can ask me questions about it. It's up to me to help her get through the emotions and confusion she might feel when she starts going down that path. And I'll tell you, as much as I'd like to take a shotgun to the first guy that touches her, she WILL go down that path one day. Am I going to send her along with no knowledge and watch her crash and burn? No, I'm going to educate her to help her make good choices when she walks it. 

Let's be clear. Teaching children about puberty and sex is not a gateway to promiscuity. I can guarantee you, without even looking at the curriculum, that teachers aren't going to be giving your children tips on how to pick up at the local nightclub. They will be teaching them how their natural bodies function and what to expect over the next several years from puberty. 

Some of you might say, "But wait! They are too young for this knowledge!" Sad to say, studies show that girls are developing breasts and getting their periods much sooner than when we were young. Someone I know recently told me her daughter's classmate got her period at the age of seven. Was she too young to get her period for the first time? Probably, but if she'd been taught at school at the age of six that this is how the human body works and why, she would have been better prepared to deal with it. 

So my point is this, if you are uncomfortable with sex ed in the classroom, get over it and accept that this is a natural process that we all need to know about. Talk to your kids openly and honestly about sex. The classroom is going to teach them the mechanics of all this stuff but it's up to you to prepare them for the emotion that comes with sex. Do you want your son to sleep around, breaking hearts? Do you want your daughter to "give it up" to a boy that tells her she's pretty? Probably not. You know yourself the complexity of a sexual relationship, educate your kids so they are ready to take that on and deal with it with brave and kind hearts. The classroom is only going to tell them how it works, it's up to you to give your child the emotional support to make good choices.