The Daily Chai Has Writer's Block

I haven't bought today's chai latte, so I will give you a fake review. It was good.

Moving on.

It was bound to happen. I've been writing every day for just over two weeks and now I'm at a loss for something to write about. NOOOOOOOOOOO how will I entertain myself if I'm not writing hilarious hijinx about grammar and insane four year olds?
That reminds me. I went to the mall today with the girls and ate mall food. Delicious. Anna smashed some sushi like a fucking champ and Kate had her normal Subway sub, two cookies (which she always delightfully shares) and strawberry Frutopia. Then we got a banana, strawberry and Nutella crepe. Thrilling, I know!

We bought my ex a present for his upcoming birthday so the kids would have something to give him and then we got rain boots and hot pink converse for Anna.  I loved getting new running shoes when I was a kid, so she better appreciate the fact that I went to two different stores to find the exact right pink for her. At the first store, I tried unsuccessfully to convince her that purple was better than pink. No dice. She knew my game and wasn't falling for it. On to the second store where we were successful in finding two different pinks, both in her size. One on each foot, we walked over to the mirror and Anna gazed with deep satisfaction at the reflection of her feet in the mirror.

"Perfect! Which one do you like best?" I asked her.

"Both of them." If Anna could put charming little smiley face emoticons into her speech, she would.

"Tough, pick one." I replied unyieldingly. She made the right choice and went with the super cool hot pink instead of the lame baby pink. Journeys has the most amazing selection of Chucks just FYI.

She PROMISED me she would wear these sneaks and not rip them off in hysterics and refuse to ever wear them again once we got home. I requested this promise from her because this is what happened last year when I bought her brand new hot pink Vans (please pay special attention to second 12 of the video):

I love my girls. I really do. I'm glad I have both of them in my life and I look at them daily and marvel over the fact that I made human beings from scratch. But there are times, just some times mind you, that I wonder why I had children. Lovely little creatures, but they never stop talking. They are like me in that respect, but imagine, just fucking imagine for one moment, if you had TWO OF ME talking at you, telling you endless stories and asking a constant stream of questions, UNCEASINGLY FOR HOURS ON END. You would pray for bedtime too. 

Some of today's questions were:

Mom! Is the sun really getting closer to the earth all the time? Someone at school said we're all going to die. 

Mom! Why does the word shampoo have the word poo in it? 

Mom! Can we have a treat?

Mom! Is this crepe as good as the ones in Germany?

Mom! Does shampoo have poo in it?

Mom! Why do you have elastic bands around your car's mirror? 

Mom! Can we have a treat?

Mom! Why do I have to wash my hair?

Mom! Why is Elsa's hair yellow and Anna's hair is red?

Mom! Can we have a treat?

Huh, even with writer's block, I manage to have a lot to say. NOW IMAGINE TWO OF ME. Yeah. 

The things we lie about to ourselves...

1) That graham crackers are better than cookies and therefore not a "guilty food" and you can eat as many as you like
2) That if you eat the suggested serving portion each time you help yourself to said graham crackers, the calories don't count as much
3) That if you buy something on sale that you didn't really need in the first place, you are actually saving money
4) That if you have a cigarette when you're drinking, you're not really smoking
5) That fat-free foods are better for you when in actuality they usually have more sugar in them to make up for the lost fat
6) That if you weigh yourself with your clothes on, you can take 5 pounds off the total
7) That people are staring because you are so good looking when it's really because your underwear is showing, you have toilet paper stuck to your foot or you have spinach in your teeth
8) That you didn't really just spend the entire evening watching reality television, that you maybe watch an hour of television a night or every other night when in actuality you just watched it straight, without moving, from 6:00 until 11:00 (that is 5 hours a night in case you don't feel like doing the math because Survivor just came on and you're not really reading anymore)
9) That you enjoyed that weird artsy film when really you just don't want to admit you didn't like it, didn't get it and you want your money back
10) That you don't eat that many sweets or junk food...
11) That you have nothing to wear in your closet
12) That you totally just biked for an hour when it was probably about 30 minutes
13) That when you were biking, you were absolutely going hard-core fast, for-all-you-are-worth pedaling
14) That you really do need a new pair of shoes because you hate every pair you own when secretly you love all your shoes immensely
15) That you named your phone because you thought it was funny, but now you really think of it as another person
16) That you love every, single second of being a parent and never, ever want to tear your hair out by the roots in frustration or move very far away from any place that allows children to exist.
17) That Kraft dinner is a good lunch because it has milk in it, but you are too damn tired of saying no not to make it
18) That if you just quickly glance at a text message but don't reply then you aren't really texting and driving
19) That you studied for hours and hours and it was not broken up with painting your nails, surfing the net, job searching, playing with a new app, eating graham crackers or writing in your blog