The Daily Chai and How to Be a Fucking Champ at Motherhood

Today's Chai Latte was steamy and delicious, made more so by the cute boy that accompanied me on my daily quest. Too bad he is 24 and has a girlfriend. Dammit all. Skunked again. At least my latte loves me. You could even say, (oh yes, I'm going to type it) IT LIKES ME A LATTE.

I am, by far, not the best mummy out there. I look through Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, mommy blogs etc and I see so many ways I could be BETTER. At pretty much everything. I mean, I bake a pretty mean birthday cake, I taught Kate how to ride her bike, I help Anna pick the most killer outfits every day, I try to read them bedtime stories and cuddle with each of them every night. I take Kate to dance lessons and make sure she practices her piano (the flute being irreparably broken and seemingly irreplaceable, thank you Kijiji ad makers that don't reply to my inquiries). I kiss Anna's stubbed toe and play endless games of princess Barbie with her. I sew up ripped toys and make new ones out of socks. I try to plan nutritious meals and end up serving them food they will actually eat instead. I taught them please and thank you and while their table manners leave much to be desired, they are very polite little girls and really, that's all I can ask for.  I do all those things because I'm their mother and that's what you do. I love my girls and I want to do my very best for them.

Sadly, I'm not always up for the challenge. I am often tired and often overwhelmed by the sheer volume of things that need to get done each day. So I snap at Kate when she is moving a little too slowly (which is basically every morning). I impatiently tell Anna to stop, for the love of god, stop crying because Kate put toothpaste on her toothbrush and she wanted to do it herself. Please just brush your teeth already and forget about that terrible injustice. I forget to sign Kate's piano homework book pretty much four times out of five. Sometimes I let them watch an extra episode of Mako Mermaids instead of reading them a bedtime story. And unless Anna reminds me, I often forget to brush her hair in the morning. Thank god Kate has learned to do it herself.

Added to those shortcomings, I end up feeling more guilty because I'm constantly inundated with posts from mothers whose children eat vegetables (WTF?) and get straight A's. Those amazing mothers that make time to throw elaborately themed birthday parties with hired princesses or magicians and make cakes that look like something out of Cake Boss. Mothers,  I imagine, who never forget to sign a permission slip or get money for pizza Fridays. Whose laundry is always done and they never have to scramble to find a pair of pants that are long enough (why are all Kate's pants so short? When will she stop fricking growing?). I'm sure those mothers find time every single night for stories and only let their kids watch 30 minutes of television a day, if any at all.

However, I find I have a more important goal than having perfectly groomed and outfitted children. I want my girls to grow up to be lovely, confident, happy women. I want them to find value not only in themselves, but in other people. I want them to be thoughtful, to think and empathize with people that are different from them. That little boy who is so nasty to you and everyone else in the classroom? Maybe he has a tough time at home. Why don't you ask him if he'd like to play with your friends tomorrow? He might sneer and say no, but it's always nice to be invited. Maybe the next day he will join you, you never know. Your friend is struggling with her math problems? Work together to get through them as a team. That little guy who is super shy? Ask him if you can sit together and read. Keep trying. Be kind.

I want Kate  to push herself, but also accept that she's not going to be perfect at everything. Not a great dancer? Nope, but you are an amazing flutist. And you know what? I'm not a great dancer either, but it's the highlight of my day to dance around the kitchen at breakfast pretending to be Taylor Swift, so just do it. Do it like no one is judging and no one cares. When you feel good about yourself, when you stop judging yourself, you won't care what other people think. You can truly enjoy your life, whatever you make of it.

Every day, I drop Kate off at her babysitter's house and I tell her to have a fabulous day. I tell her to do one thing that will make me proud so she can tell me about it after school. I'm planting seeds and waiting for flowers to grow. I don't even care if she actually does something amazing every day, but I want the idea that she COULD do something amazing at any moment to be in her head, ready to spring. And today, my motherly philosophies came to fruition when Kate told me that the kids in her class were singing Kindergarten songs and they were all embarrassed to be doing the actions to these baby songs.

"But you know what mum? I had the best time, I was all like, WOOO, YEAH, singing and doing all the actions, like this," and she started dancing around and flapping her arms, "I didn't care what I looked like, I was having so much fun. I LIKE those songs, so who cares if they're baby songs? Guess what happened Mum? My best friend saw how much fun I was having and she got really into it too. Then everyone was laughing and having the best time ever. No one was embarrassed anymore!" 

That's. My. Girl.  Such a small thing, in the grand scheme of things. But the implications of where that attitude will take her in life are breathtaking. I gave her a high five and told her I loved her best and not to tell Anna.