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Wednesday, August 30, 2006

I Made a Quilt

I made a quilt. I'm very happy with it, as it's my first try and it turned out really well. Now I'm going to tackle a big quilt. I decided I'm going to do the whole thing in corduroy, I can't wait to start it, it's going to look so cool!

I would post a picture of the quilt, but I've tried three times and it won't upload, so I give up!

Monday, August 28, 2006

Baby Okay

Kate is fine. The bump on her head went away by the next day and she's acting totally normal. Then, OF COURSE, today, she was on the floor, playing under her 'gym' and she rolled over. She was very proud of herself and I clapped and told her what a good girl she was. Usually I roll her back after a few minutes so she can do it again (and not get too frustrated from being on her stomach for too long), but I left her on her tummy for a bit to see if she would try to roll back herself. Instead, she concentrated on chewing on the side of the gym. Well, the little tyke is pretty strong and she pulled the whole thing right over and the hard toys that are dangling from it hit her in the head! More bumps in the noggin for the poor girl. She started howling, but when I picked her up and walked her to my room, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and smiled. So she was obviously okay, but my, you would have thought the world was ending!

I'm making a quilt based on a style of quilt that a friend gave me before Kate was born. I was going to make a big one (72 in x 72 in) but I decided to start with a small one (36 in x 36 in) and see how it goes. It's going to be mostly light pink flannel with a bit of white flannel or maybe corduroy. If it turns out well, I'm going to make the big one, but I haven't decided what colours yet. Probably dark colours with a bit of black mixed in. Like navy blue, burgundy, dark purple. Mmmmmmm. I like it already. And really rich, soft fabrics. I'll post a pic of the small one when it's finished. I think I can start sewing it tomorrow when my mom drops off the sewing machine.

Wow. What a boring post.

Kate is in bed for the night, but I just heard an unearthly cry from the other room. I'm going to ignore it for the moment. After I put her to bed tonight, she started to cry really hard about ten minutes later, which she rarely does. I think she woke up disoriented because she had fallen asleep while I was nursing her. Imagine how that must feel, to be in the warm and comfortable safety of your mother's arms, with a boob in your mouth and the next thing you know, you are in a crib by yourself. Anyway, I picked her up and held her for a few minutes and put her back to bed and she went off to sleep almost instantly. Crazy kid. This book I have says they should be awake when you put them to bed because then, when they wake up in the middle of the night, there is no shock of "Where the HELL am I?" and they can happily drift off to sleep again.

I talked to my neice yesterday and I asked her if she goes to beach in Vancouver and if she swims in the ocean, or if it's too polluted being in the city. She said, "Yeah, we go to the beach, but no, I don't swim in the ocean, yuck, it's all full of that seawater." How can you NOT laugh at that?

Friday, August 25, 2006

The Very Worst Mother Ever

I need to purge my soul because today I did a very stupid thing. I left Kate on the couch to grab her toy and she rolled off, hit her head on the coffee table and landed on her back on the floor. Thankfully it was in the basement, on the carpet, instead of upstairs on the hardwood, but the results are pretty much the same I think. The poor girl cried harder and longer than she's ever cried before, it took about ten minutes to calm her down. Long enough that I began to think she was seriously injuried anyway. Then she seemed fine, just hiccuping a little the way kids do when they've had a good cry. I had her on my lap, holding her hands so she could watch TV. She seems to like it and it makes her calm. That's when I noticed the red bump on her head and realized that she hadn't just fallen a couple feet to the ground, but had actually hit her little wee head on the wooden coffee table. That's when I started to panic. I thought of the times I had concussions as a kid and how I'd had to go the hospital. Kate's fall happened after the doctor's office closed and I didn't know what to do. Do I rush her to Emergency because of a bump on the head? Can I be too cautious about head injuries? Did she hit her head hard enough to cause an aneurism? Do I watch too much TV? Just how serious is this bump? I called my doctor's office anyway, just in case there was an after-hours number to call. By that time, I think my panic had transferred to Kate because she started to cry again and I couldn't hear the number. I noticed that another mom friend had called on my cellphone when I was looking up my doctor's number, so I called her. She gave me the number of Telehealth Ontario and she was really sweet and told me not to worry and asked me if I needed anything, if I wanted to go there (to her house) and she assured me that it happens all the time and I'm not an idiot and I'm not a bad mother.

But I am. I'm so careless. I KNOW these things happen, but they shouldn't happen to me. I'm an intelligent, caring mother, I know how to do things and take care of things. But I rush and I do stupid things too. I just feel so fricking bad. My poor baby's head.

Telehealth was pretty good. They asked a lot of questions, many of which I was able to answer no (is there broken skin, does the baby's neck seem stiff, is there blood coming from the ears or nose). I felt better after talking to the RN, better in that my daughter will most likely be just fine, but just as stupid in that I let it happen in the first place.

I don't know if I feel better after writing it down. I keep hearing the thud of her little body and seeing her on the ground with this completely stunned look on her face. And hearing her cry and cry with pain and shock. I know kids get hurt all the time and are totally fine, but this time it was from my own negligence and I can't forget that.

I definitely don't feel better.

Kate and the Mystery of the Wasps

I have a friend with an acute fear of spiders. I'm not too worried about spiders particularly, but I certainly can relate when it comes to wasps. Everyone says to hold still and they will fly around you and then buzz off, but everytime one of those suckers comes near me, I look like a marionette gone crazy. Try as I might to keep my cool, I freak out every time.

Which brings me to my story: Last week I was at the baby's change table, changing her diaper when I noticed a wasp buzzing around the window. It was one of those big suckers too, I think they're called yellow jackets. I was almost done the diaper and I hastily finished up, put the baby in her crib and found a board book to smoosh the wasp with. The wasp crumbled and fell behind the change table and all I could think of was Andrea's blog entry about the spider she thought she killed in her daughter's room, only to discover it crawling around again, hours later (minus some legs). I cautiously peered over the change table and spied the wasp curled on the ground and motionless. I stared for a good five minutes, just to be sure, but it didn't move. I gloated a little over my cool-headedness in ridding myself of the terrible little beastie and left the corpse where it lay. I'm a terrible housekeeper at the best of times, but I wasn't picking that thing up until it was an empty shell, if I could help it. The reason for this is quite simple. When I was ten, I was swatting wasps in our houseboat and unknowingly knelt on some of the bodies. I was stung three times in quick succession and after screaming bloody blue murder, my dad came running and when he found out the cause of my freak out, he told me that wasps often sting out of self-defense when they're dying. A last-ditch effort if you will. Anyway, I wasn't taking any chances with this wasp. Let it stay on the floor and dry up. No one can see it behind the table anyway.

I briefly wonder where it had come from, but figured that it got in from the patiodoor being open downstairs and flew around my house for awhile before meeting its fate in the window of my daughter's bedroom. I didn't give it much more thought than that.

This week, I was again changing my daughter's diaper (oh, will the dirty diapers ever stop?) and there was ANOTHER WASP in the window. Unfortunately, I was just starting to change the diaper and Kate's at that wonderful stage where it's fun to twist around while I try vainly to attach a fresh diaper. She recently succeeded in rolling over, back to front, and I think she was practising. Anyway, it took longer than normal to put this diaper on and the whole time, I'm trying to keep one eye on the wasp and one eye on the diaper. This is even more difficult than it sounds, given the squirminess of my kid at the time. Finally I got the diaper on, after a few pleas with my daughter the lay still, and I put her in her crib. I can't say that my heart was pounding, even for theatrical purposes, but I WAS sweating a bit. And not for my own pansy ass either, I was more worried the damn thing would land on Kate and give her a jab. And in this day and age with kids dying at the smell of peanuts and carrying around needles to save them from bees, I have daymares about her getting stung and dying in my arms before I even know what happened. Anyway, I grabbed the same board book and flattened this wasp too. It fell on the window ledge, in the track of the window. I left that one there too. I learned my lesson when I was ten.

Now my question is this: Where are these damn wasps coming from??? I have a small nest in a roof peak at the front of my house, but surely they haven't made their way from there INTO my house, have they?

Thursday, August 17, 2006

I Made a Sign

A friend of my mum's bought me wooden letters for a name sign for my kid's room. So I made a sign. It glows in the dark. I need a glass dragonfly to finish it off, but do you think I could find one? I searched the entire downtown St. Jacobs area but nothing. I would have settled for glass ladybugs, but nadda. I KNOW I've seen little glass ladybugs somewhere, but don't ask me where. Maybe Hallmark? Anyway, I'm exhausted.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

People Are Weird

My attached neighbours are crazy (although, I'm starting to think I'm the crazy one, since I find so many people strange, maybe it's not THEM, but ME). We moved here two years ago. My first impression of my neighbour was that she was a grumpy, old bitch because I cheerily waved hello to her on my first day in the 'hood and after giving me a dirty look, she completely ignored me. I thought, "Huh, glad I moved out of the ghetto for this." Anyway, she soon improved and has been mostly nice to me and my husband. She has a 20 year-old daughter who is tall, fit and pretty (although only with makeup and she definitely has cankles), she also had a boob job last summer, so except for her ankles, she's a real fox. I jokingly warned Brad not to get too friendly, or better yet, pretend he is blind when she's around. I told the mother that her daughter was so pretty and I'd told my husband to stay away from her, ha ha ha. We've had some uncomfortable incidents, but mostly it's been live and let live.

 For instance, last summer, an hour before we had to leave for my mum's birthday dinner, this neighbour comes over and asks Brad to help her with her satelite. I should have told her he was in the shower, but he wasn't I couldn't lie that fast and anyway, he ends up helping her. I'm waiting inside, getting madder and madder because it's my MUM's birthday and we had to get going. It's brutally hot, so Brad's going to have to shower before we go and time's ticking away here. Finally, I go over to see how things are going and Brad's like, could you stand on the front porch and ask her if it's clear yet, because I'm around the side of the house and I can't hear her. So I tell her that I'm going to relay to Brad and she's like, "Oh, I just took the card out and restarted the system, it's going to take a minute." Oh my God, I could barely contain my anger, but I took a deep breath and said, "Um, ok, well, it's my mum's birthday tonight and we sort have dinner plans and we really have to go and Brad still needs to shower, so um, would it be alright if we do this tomorrow? Or even just, later? I thought it was only going to be a few minutes and it's been 30 and we really have to get going." And she comes stomping out of her house, calls around the side of the house, "Brad, your wife wants you to go, I will just get my friend to do it next week. I can wait for my friend to do it. Your WIFE wants to leave" Like, I'm this horrible bitch for having a life. I mean, she just stopped by on a Friday night and expected us to be twiddling our thumbs. She's just a complete piece of work, this woman. And of course it's "Brad" to him and 'Your wife" to me. Bitch.

So, a few weeks ago, she and her next door neighbours decide to build a fence. Brad was going to help, but he's been working at his shed and he was busy with that and they had about seven people working on their fence, so they really didn't need us. And honestly, when we did our fence last year, she didn't help us or give us money, so why would we help when it's not even our fence? And besides the fact we also have a four-month-old infant to care for. Anyway, after the fence is built, my neighbour and her daughter stopped talking to both Brad and I. We couldn't figure it out, except that we didn't help. We didn't really even care to be honest, she's such a bitch, it was a relief not talking to her. Then I find out from another neighbour that they are definitely mad about us not helping. Oh well, fuck 'em. Life is way too short to worry about keeping people like that happy.

Oh, but wait! That's NOT why they don't like us. The REAL reason? Because, two years ago, when we first moved and I made that joke about Brad staying away from her daughter? She took that as me telling her that her daughter is a slut. Why on earth would I say that to a virtual stranger? Hi, please to meet you, I noticed your daughter is a slut. The neighbour that told me this assured her that I only meant that her daughter was pretty.

Mum says it should be a lesson to me not to joke around with people I don't know very well. But I think it's more of a lesson that if I joke around with someone and they completely misunderstand and take offense, then they are not the type of person I want as a friend. If I can't be ME than why bother?

Saturday, August 12, 2006

What JK Rowling Says About Trying to Be Thin

I'm a huge fan of the Harry Potter books and one day, while idly searching for the translation to Hogwarts school's motto (Never Tickle a Sleeping Dragon), I came across the official JK Rowling Website . There are a lot of interesting little facts there and I have to say, it's quite a fun website. Just what you would expect from JK Rowling, it's got a magical touch. The website has an 'Extras' section where I found Rowling's rant about the Western obsession to be skinny. If you click on the hairbrush, then the Miscellaneous tab and then "For Girls Only, Probably.." Part of it reads: "I mean is 'fat' really the worse thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring', or 'cruel'?...I don't want [my daughters] to be empty headed, self-absorbed emanicated clones; I'd rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny - a thousand things before 'thin'."

Well said JK, well said.

I want to look at you again for the first time

So--I'm a wee but tipsy at the moment.
I haven't been drunk for over a year and I deserve this, dammit.
My daughter, my four-month-old daughter, is asleep in the next room and I went in to look at her. I felt guilty, being around her while I'm drunk. But I told her I loved her and she woke up a little and looked at me, her eyes closed again, but she grasped my finger and held on. She loves me even if, at the moment, I'm unfit to be a parent. She loves me. That's all that really matters.
She is beautiful and I MADE her. I still can't believe that. If it weren't for me, she wouldn't exist.
Which brings me to my next point. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. Some I regret and some I don't, but I realize, as I look at her, that I can't really regret any of them, because they brought me to this perfect moment of creation. How can anyone regret that?
There is a person in the other room who is small, helpless, perfect. Mine. I can't believe it. Tomorrow I will be the perfect parent and I will wake up (hung over or not) and change her diaper (and maybe her PJs) and hold her and love her and know that it is normal to be this blown away. Tomorrow I will realize that ALL parents feel this way. But tonight, it's mine and it's a miracle.
Who says drunk people don't talk sense?

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Soooooo busy

Make that TIRED! On Thursday, my mom, my niece, my daughter, my mom's friend and I went to Niagara Falls to see the falls, Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum and Dracula's Haunted House. We also looked in about a million shops and ate at Boston Pizza. Then Friday it was the African Lion Safari with my Dad, my niece and my daughter. That was fun, but my dad was tired and boring and I think it would have been more fun with my mom, who can be too structured at times, but at least you get to see a lot of cool stuff when you're with her. Then Saturday it was the famous local Farmer's Market and the Market Factory Outlet Mall. My husband came with us that time and he entertained my niece by making jokes and teasing her the whole time. I think she is quite taken with him...she giggles like mad everytime he opens his mouth. He scoffs when I tell him that he is the heart's desire of many little girls, he is sure that at the most, they think, oh he's cute for an old guy. So modest, that boy. Anyway, Saturday night we had a fire in the backyard and my friend brought the stuff for S'mores and the kids made S'mores until they were sticky, smoky, dirty, and exhausted. Then Sunday it was to Toronto with my husband, niece and daughter to see the CN Tower and go to the Eaton Centre.

I'm so tired, you have no idea.

But today is my niece's last day and in two hours my mom will be here to pick me and my daughter up to drive my niece to the airport. I'm sad because it will be at least a year before I see her again. She lives in BC and we live in ON, so it's not like we get to just pop over whenever.

A tiny part of me is relieved because I can get my life back to normal and not worry about where I'm going to nurse my baby, change her, travel with her etc. I mean, I'll pretty much whip it out anywhere at this point, but I need to be comfortable and I'm not very good at it, so I need pillows and stuff and there are just times when feeding her is impossible. I did, however, sit in the movie at the Ripley's museum and feed her and to hell with the public! Very liberating.

Actually, I was just thinking of all the weird places I fed her this week:
At the TO airport, picking up my neice, in the Marketplace restaurant in Niagara Falls, at the Ripley's Museum, on the grass in front of the pony ride at the African Lion Safari, on a GO bus, on a bench on the third floor of the Eaton Centre (where, I might add, two women gave me dirty looks and one woman came and joined me with her 8 month old daughter, that was actually kind of cool)and at the TO airport again, dropping off my neice.

Gotta go, I have to shower!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Baby Dilemma #94

It's 8 in the morning and currently 26 degrees celsius but feels like 36 degrees with the humidity factor. The high is expected to be an actual 36 degrees, so what will the humidity make it feel like by that point? I think it'll feel like we are melting. Or swimming in our own lungs. There is actual condensation on the outside of my windows. I felt like I'd opened the over door when I let the dogs outside this morning, a blast of heat so thick and strong struck me in the face, I had to gasp for breath. I hope they don't mind spending the day inside because I don't think they can't pant fast enough to cool down today. Even with the air condiditoning turned down to 22 degrees, I'm still sweating when I attempt even the slightest activity. It's the part of summer were you don't want to have sex, not because you're too tired, but because the thought of touching another human being at this point makes you feel like vomiting. Even holding my husband's hand while lying in bed this morning caused me to break out in a sweat. So what do you do when your child is four months old and can't do anything or go anywhere unless you carry her?