Search This Blog

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Daily Chai is Pained

Today's chai latte....fml I can't even continue, it's so depressing.

I told someone today that I find jokes painful to listen to because when the person gets to the punch line I rarely think it's funny (or I just don't get why it's supposed to be funny) and I'm left to fake a laugh to be cool or be less of a bitch that just doesn't appreciate basic humour. I love comedians, I love sitcoms, I love a good, funny story. But listening to someone who just isn't funny tell a joke is pure torture for me. Added to that, I have a strange sense of humour anyway, so I'm pretty much screwed when it comes to conventional laughs. I have a feeling that by sharing this little fun fact about me, a certain Carl's Jr fan will be "entertaining" me with knock knock jokes all day just out of spite.

I think karma decided to fuck with me today because Kate wanted to entertain me tonight in her bath by telling me jokes. Kill. Me. Now. Didn't I JUST SAY I don't like jokes?

"So there's this kid. And his teacher tells him he needs to learn his alphabet," 

"Uh Kate? You told me this one already"

"I don't care, I'm telling you again. So he, uh, goes home and asks his mom, who's on the phone, what the first letter of the alphabet is and she, uh, says, "Shut up!" Ok? So then he goes in his dad, his dad is watching a game on tv right? Ok, so he asks his dad....he asks his dad...what the........." Suddenly there is silence. She has found a cut on her big toe. 


"Oh, sorry. So he asks his dad, "What's the second letter of the alphabet?" and just at the same time, there's a goal and his dad yells, he yells, "Score!" Ok? So then, uh, the kid goes to his little brother who's playing with his cars and he asks him...he says, "What's the third letter of the alphabet?" And his little brother goes, "Vroom!" No wait, he says, "Red car!" No...okay yeah, I'll just say that. So then the kid, he goes to school the next day and the teacher wants to know if he learned his alphabet, right?  So she's like, Johnny, did you learn your alphabet and he's like, "Shut up!" And the teacher is like, "Go to the office!" And the kid is like, "Score!" And the teacher is like, "How are you going to get there?" And the kid goes, "Vroom! No wait. RED CAR!"
And that is the joke in its entirety. I told her it wasn't funny and I think she is missing something, but then I think it's just as likely that I'm missing the point somewhere along here and maybe to normal people, it IS funny. I really have no idea. I do know, however, that Kate should probably not go into comedy as her career choice.

And just so I don't leave Anna out of it, she told me today that she loved me and I said I loved her too. And then she looked at me solemnly, put her little hand on my cheek and said, "I'm going to marry you. Give me a kiss!"


Monday, June 22, 2015

The Daily Chai Hates Latte Machines

Today's latte didn't happen. I have high hopes that it might later, but you can't count on life working out for you when it comes to lattes apparently. See that tea on the left? I drank half of it and gave up. Only my coffee buddy made it worth the trip downstairs to get it.

I have my kids for a couple days while the ex is travelling for work which is great because it means I get to see them for a little extra time this week. The only glitch in the plan was that I had plans tonight to go to a card making workshop with my bestie. Thankfully one of my awesome friends who just happens to have kids that my kids adore was able to fill in on Mom duties for me tonight and I was able to go after all. The cards are downstairs and I am upstairs so I will post pics later, but while your estimation of me may have slid down a notch because I went to a card making workshop, you will understand when you see these adorable creations. Plus, ultimate bestie fun time. win/win

On the way home, after picking up my children, Anna was holding my friend's hand (my god, that woman has the patience of a saint, riding all the way home with her arm twisted behind her) and Anna decided that she liked my friend's wedding band and engagement ring and told her she wanted them. And then proceeded to try to take them off. But not, like, really obviously, she was being quite stealth about it, just tugging very gently at them and then pausing to see if my friend had noticed. Considering she had already announced that she was going to take them, we both found it amusing that she was trying to be sneaky about it. Then she announced to Kate that if she managed to get them off, she would share them, that Kate could have one and Anna would keep one. What a generous little soul my girl happens to be. She also has really good taste as my friend's wedding rings are pretty spectacular.

I had a good solo weekend this time around. Chatted via text most of the night with a friend on Friday, slept late on Saturday and then went out to buy a big ass TV which I managed to get out of the car by myself (and have the scrapes and bruises to prove it!). Went to the Multicultural Fest in the afternoon with a newly single mom friend that I haven't seen since her break up about a month ago. I have to say, even though that is something I would normally have taken my kids to, it was awfully nice to walk around with a grownup who wasn't asking me to buy her stuff and I could sit and eat my lunch without worrying about feeding her. Grown-up time is amazing sometimes! Sunday I slept until noon and spent the afternoon unpacking and rearranging of Anna's room. Had a wonderful meal with my brand new step-family (I lucked out on that score) to celebrate Father's Day. Father's Day is a little difficult for me because I miss my dad most on days like that (even though I remember vividly one Father's Day that ended badly and resulted in me not seeing or talking to my dad for six months!). As anyone who has lost a parent knows, you never stop missing them, but those special days that you are supposed to spend with them can be (sometimes surprisingly) painful. I was very happy to end a somewhat emotional day with such great people.

It's weird to be in my new house without the kids or my mum (who successfully moved into her husband's house the same day I moved into hers). I mean, I have spent solo weekends here already when I didn't have the kids, but this was the first weekend it was real, permanent and mine alone. I was a bit choked up on my way home from work thinking about it, this almost final step of separation. Like I said, each stage of divorce has a way of kicking you in the teeth when you least expect it. Thankfully, that crappy feeling was soon dulled by white wine soothing my soul. I may have sent a few ill-advised texts to various people, but on the whole, I was well-behaved and grown-up. Plus, I have a new, giant TV to distract me from real life.


Thursday, June 18, 2015

The Daily Chai is Unpacking

Today's chai was a fruit smoothie because the latte machine is still broken. Yes, still. It's very disappointing. Plus, at about 10:00am I started getting really groggy from lack of caffeine. It made me feel slightly pathetic to realize I am so dependant on it.

Life with kids is...busy! I left work today, drove all the way to my old town to pick up my girlies, back to my new town, picked up some groceries, made dinner, unpacked some stuff, went to pick up my modem (the kids, each of them, asked me at least three times what we were getting at the post office and then wanted to know what is a modem? Seriously? It's 2015, shouldn't they be building their own modems by now and shocking us all with their amazing knowledge of all things technical at the ages of nine and four?).

I had a little talk with them about asking me to buy them stuff. Well, I talked at them and after two minutes Kate covered her ears and started humming, but I said what I needed to by then anyway. I don't know about you, but it absolutely drives me crazy when we are out getting groceries for example and they spend the entire time begging me to buy them stuff, treats and whatnot that I never buy but nonetheless, they ask for. Don't get me wrong, I buy some junk food for sure, but there are certain things that I absolutely refuse to purchase, like Eggos, Froot Loops and potato chips. And yet, AND YET, every time I take them to the grocery store, Kate asks me for Froot Loops. I get it, I love them too, but seriously, they are not breakfast food. They are candy. I have refused to buy them even as a fun snack for years now and yet, when I ask her what type of cereal would she like, she answers, "Froot Loops!" every time! She now does it just to bug me, I know it.

I told them today that I would like them to think about the words, "I want" before they actually say them. I asked them to consider the good fortune they already have before they ask me for more stuff. I told them I don't like saying no all the time, but when they ask me for stuff we can't afford or stuff that they don't need, I'm forced to say no all the time and I hate it. I've always said no a lot and been relatively careful about spending money, but now I really have to tighten my belt and stick to a budget. Even if I had tons of money, I would still say no quite a bit, just on principle, but still I don't LIKE saying it. I don't like telling them all the time that they can't have their heart's desire. Even when I think the heart's desire is the stupidest thing I've ever seen, I hate being the one to refuse them all the time.

However, I've noticed something with Kate that makes it a little easier to say no when she is begging me for some toy. She has begged me, in German and English for some item, on bended knee with lots of promises to be good and clean her room and take care of her dog and and and. So you know, I'm weak and I cave sometimes and I purchase that coveted item. And she plays with it feverishly for three days and then I never see her pick it up again. I suspect this is because she has SO MUCH STUFF that nothing really is very special to her except when I try to throw it out. Then she tears at her hair and screams that she hates me because that is her most favourite thing in the universe and how dare I even CONSIDER throwing it out?? Megan backs slowly away and waits until Kate is out of the house before throwing said item in garbage.

Anyway, those kids want so much stuff all the time, but they don't REALLY care about any of it. I could leave that crap in boxes and they wouldn't even miss it. You know what they do want? What they consistently ask for? My time. To read to them, to cuddle with them, to play with them and talk with them. It's all just stuff people, but your time is finite and precious and you never know how much of it you have left.


Wednesday, June 17, 2015

The Daily Chai Calls Her Mother's Place Home Sweet Home

Today's chai. Don't even. When exactly was I supposed to get one? And Starbucks still refuses to deliver, even though I've asked ever so sweetly.

So I'm all moved in to my mom's place. She is all moved out. Which makes it my place now. Jebus. I liked it better when it was my mom's place, her stuff is nicer. Right now it's so full of my crap and the kids' crap and there are so many boxes everywhere that I kind of want to kill myself.

I lived here every other week for seven and half months. I lived out of a suitcase in the spare room and never had the right things. Most of my stuff was at my old house and I really just brought enough clothes for work and a few comfy things for play. I couldn't wait for all my stuff to be here so I would have everything in one place and never be without some vital item.

Reality is this: I have no idea where anything is although I'm reasonably sure I have everything in one place.  So while I am incredibly miserable at the moment, I see the light! Progress!

This is currently what the shoes look like in my closet:

In my defence, that one blue Chuck belongs to Kate. Yes, the rest are mine. *hangs head*

I believe the term you are looking for, once again, is #firstworldproblems.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

The Daily Chai Has a Confession

Today's chai came from a real Starbucks and tasted like a million dollars. Thank goodness it was not a million dollars to purchase. In fact, it was free because I used a gift card from my birthday to purchase it.

Today is moving day. I admit it, I'm a bit of a hot mess and it's probably a good thing I took most of the day off. We don't close until June 30 so I have a couple weeks to fully clean my house out, but I will no longer be sleeping there and we will finally bring our dog home to our new place. It is pretty much over. So many mixed emotions about it. As a buddy pointed out to me hits you hard and often unexpectedly. Sometimes the shock of what is happening to me hits me like a punch in the gut. I usually tell myself to smarten up, that I chose this, that this is my path. But you know what? That doesn't make it any easier sometimes.

My second confession is that Ed Sheeran's Photograph makes me cry every single time I hear it. I'm hoping that writing that sentence will be like a magic charm that will stop my eyes from welling up when I hear "When I'm away, I'll remember how you kissed me, under the lamppost back on 6th street." That line absolutely slays me and I would like that to stop sometime soon.

So yeah, I don't believe in fate, but I do think it's interesting how we get to certain points in our lives. How certain decisions lead you to where you are now. I'm going to give you this really amazing example that is based on my life:

When I was 13, my parents decided to sell the house I grew up in and move to a farm. Because I moved to this farm, I changed the high school I was supposed to go to and met a guy in science class that I would eventually start dating and would be the first boy I lived with. We moved to an apartment that he found out about because he helped us do inventory in our store this one time and he met my boss's boyfriend who knew a guy who had a place for rent. So we moved there. But things didn't really work out and we broke up and he moved out. But there was another tenant living in the basement apartment who I started dating after me and whatshishead broke up. I would never have met this guy if it wasn't for my ex finding the apartment. This new guy had a sister who was friends with my future roommate. That future roommate introduced me to my future husband, with whom I have two children. Therefore, there are two actual human beings who exist in the world because my parents decided to buy a farm. I know. #MINDBLOWN

You're welcome.


Monday, June 15, 2015

The Daily Chai Calls Bullshit on Soulmates

Today's chai did not materialize. Typical. I did finally get one on Friday that was especially delicious because of the great company I had with me and a good old fashion chat. 

I wrote the other day that I don't believe in fate. I also agree with Monica that there is no such thing as soul mates, there is no one perfect person for each person in the world. I think lucky people run into like-minded people and something clicks. If they are really lucky...they might fall in love. And if they are really, really lucky, they will both work bloody hard to keep that love fresh and true and strong. Relationships are hard work and if you aren't willing to put in the time, you lose it. You can't just say, "But she's my soulmate!" and hope that she sticks around through all your bullshit just because you are meant to be together. Don't rely on fate to keep you together because even if fate were real, you would have no idea  if your fate was to be together or not. See all the holes in that kind of thinking? I just can't get behind it.

Anna told me today that she can't wait to grow up and she doesn't like being a kid because she's too little to reach stuff and she doesn't get to do stuff that she wants to do when she wants to do it. I looked at her and said, "Kid, I'm a grown up and I have the same problems." She looked pretty shocked and then very disappointed. Wait until I tell her about how fate is bullshit!


The Daily Chai is Denied

Today's chai did not materialize, even though I specifically said I was looking forward to Monday because I could get a chai latte. The machine is broken. Pfft. Whatever. It's been FOUR DAYS since I had a chai latte and I feel like I'm turning into an entirely different person. I can almost feel my soul returning. Then I got a hot chocolate from Tim Horton's and the resulting sugar buzz made me quite productive.

I spent this evening...packing! I bet you are very surprised about this since I have been talking about little else for the past month now. Jesus, what will I write about when I've finished moving? I'll write about unpacking, I suppose. I'm at that stage now where I'm just throwing stuff into boxes to be sorted later and I'm going to unpack it and be like, why the fuck did I move this? Why didn't I just throw it out in the first place? You just laughed because you know exactly what I'm talking about. You may do the before-packing-purge, but you will still end up with shit in your new place that you don't want or need. It's the universe laughing at you.

I seriously have way too much stuff. My kids have way too much stuff. I told a friend back in November that I wanted to burn it all and I repeated this wish to another friend this weekend. There is a box in my front hall that comes up to my chest and it's just full of Kate Crap. I'm not taking responsibility for all the stuff she owns. I say no way too often for her to own this much stuff based solely on my purchasing power.

And I'm the first one to admit that I'm materialistic and it's very hard to get rid of stuff when you like your stuff so much. Then I get sick of it all and just throw out everything in sight, only to live with regret later. Sad. Which in turn makes me cautious about throwing stuff out in the future in case I need it, which I might, some day. I know what you're thinking, that it must be very hard to live in my world.... #firstworldproblems 

Pardon, what was that?

Moving on. My current pet peeve is overly cautious, overly slow drivers. You know the ones that come to a full stop at a green light when they are turning right even though there are no obstacles causing them to come to a full stop? Why? Are they out there specifically to torture me? Is this happening for a reason to teach me a lesson? Kidding. But I do have places to be and things to do. Hurry the fuck up.


Sunday, June 14, 2015

The Daily Chai is Made of Sushi

Today's chai was being a selfish bitch again and refused to come home with me. WTF? I'm actually looking forward to Mondays now because at least I can count on a chai latte Monday morning. Well. Possibly. The machine was broken on Friday. WHO KNOWS WHAT MONDAY WILL BRING.

I just watched the Game of Thrones finale. Now I can obsess about Orange is the New Black properly. My Dawson's Creek obsession didn't last long, sadly. Once I found out Jenn dies in the series finale, I was pretty much done with that. Teach me to watch the last episode first.

It's been a kind of boring weekend, just packing trying to get ready for the movers on Tuesday. However, I did have a nice treat today as I met my cousin, her husband and two kids as well as my good friend and her two kids for a sushi lunch that Kate planned as my birthday party. It would have started off better if Kate hadn't been acting like a petulant brat before we left. I'm pretty sure she is getting her period. I know she is only nine, but Jesus, that kid's mood swings are incredible. I hate to blame it on hormones because it drives me nuts when people do that, but I'm at a loss to explain it any other way. Poor kid too, I'm not the most patient when she's pouty and nasty, so I yell at her a lot. I wish I could say I'm awesome and understanding and sweet to her, but it irritates the shit out of me when she starts to cry because I looked at her funny.

Lunch itself was lovely. I ate until I couldn't move and I'm still burping salmon 9 hours later. Anna behaved abdominally and it's a damn good thing she is adorable. I'm going to have to watch that one, she gets away with a lot because she flashes me that toothy, saucy grin and I start laughing, I can't help it. I was so much more strict with Kate. Maybe I am just too tired now that I'm old. I did make Anna stop running laps around the table after about the fifth one. Kate wouldn't have made the first one, I would have been hauling her back to her seat and telling her to behave. Ah well, the youngest always gets all the breaks.

I spent the rest of the afternoon unpacking things that I'd spent the morning packing up. Delightful times in the Tees-King household. Woot.

Kate had her dance recital yesterday and I was pretty impressed. I actually said to her, "I was sort of expecting you to suck because you missed so many classes and you never practice, but you were amazing! I'm so proud of you!" I can only describe the look she gave me as withering and then she laughed and said, "Thanks, it was really cool being on stage again." I probably shouldn't have said I expected her to suck, but I meant it in the nicest possible way. It's a good thing that kid gets me.

UPDATE: It's been a week of not smoking. I told my friend it's a good thing I have the kids because I would be at the store buying a pack if I was on my own. She wrote back, "How come?" Because I would like a cigarette. No reason. I just like smoking. The fight continues.


Saturday, June 13, 2015

The Daily Chai's Opinion About Fate

Today's chai was a huge disappointment, mostly because it didn't show up in my hand when I wished it to. Dammit

I got a fortune cookie the other day and my fortune was "Fate will find a way." Kate asked me what the heck that meant and I said it was a platitude that people tell each other so they feel better when things they want don't turn out the way they had hoped.

"No. Mom. What does fate mean?"

Oh that.

Well my darling, fate is a belief that no matter what you do, no matter what choices you make, your future and ultimate destiny is set in stone and nothing you can do will change it. The thing is, it's completely unprovable because we can't see the future, so how can we tell if one choice leads to one future and another choice would lead to the same future? We also can't disprove it because we can't tell if one choice will create a race of artificially intelligent super robots that will destroy humanity or if another choice will stop the war between robots and people. Oh wait. That's Terminator 2.

Relying on fate to get your through a tough time is just a way to absolve yourself of responsibility. Doesn't matter what you do, things will just turn out the same way. You can knowingly make bad choices and when the results slap you in the face, you can say, it wasn't my fault, it was fate. Here's a news flash, when you make bad choices, it is your fault.

It's the same thing when people try to comfort you with "Everything happens for a reason." I would personally love it if everything that has ever happened to me had a good fucking reason for happening. For the bullies in high school. For my dad dying too young. For my marriage breakdown. For having to move ONE MORE FUCKING TIME. But I'm a realist. Reality is...shit happens. It's what you do with it that matters. It's the lessons you take away from those major life events and how you allow it to shape your core being. They didn't happen so you could be who you are today. They just happened because that's life. And's pretty fucking arrogant of us to believe that things are happening all the time specifically to guide us through life. Center of the universe much?

At this point in my "Fate is a ridiculous way for people to get out of trouble for their actions" that Kate said, "Okay, great. Mum. Mum. I get it."

Oops. Was I saying all that out loud?


Friday, June 12, 2015

The Daily Chai is a Day Behind

Today's chai was the first one I paid for in a week. I'm quite enjoying this "birthday week" celebration thingy.

Yesterday was the first day I haven't posted at least one entry since I started the whole Daily Chai thing on February 23. I feel like I let down my legions of fans (okay, my 23 faithful readers). I'm a little disappointed in myself for missing a day, but hey, shit happens.

Moving on.

UPDATE: Day five of the quit smoking campaign. Forgot my patch today. Did not break down and lose my mind. Wanted a cigarette after finishing my lunch and after I put the kids to bed, but didn't cave. The fight continues.

As you may have probably guessed, I'm super busy this week/weekend and I've been referring to it as my weekend from hell. This is dance recital weekend. I hate this weekend. It's even worse this year because Kate now hates dance and has missed several classes due to travel, sickness, birthdays and holidays so she is nervous about her dance and she's been complaining all year about her teacher who yells at her too much. This is one rehearsal (Friday night), one recital (Saturday night) and one picture day (Tuesday night). Kate is in one dance and I want to tear my hair out, I don't know how these competitive kids handle the pressure. It probably doesn't help that I have to pack up my house this weekend to get it ready for the movers on Tuesday. Not the greatest timing, but it is what it is.

I'm so excited about finally living here full time and to finally, finally unpack my suit case. Four more days and I can stay put for good. You will have to drag my cold, dead body out of here before I will move again. After seven months and two weeks, I have arrived! The kids are pretty excited too, especially after Kate found the stash of markers and paper my mom left for them.

What a long, strange journey this has been. I've cried rivers of tears, I've laughed long and hard. I've partied. I've slept. I've renewed old friendships and I've cultivated new ones. I've learned some hard lessons. I spent one month so angry at everything and everyone I'm surprised I didn't spit fire (I worked out hard instead). I've played with my kids and watched them with worried, anxious eyes while they continue to go through their own journey. I've reflected about my past and planned some of my future. I've immediately thrown away my plans after deciding planning ahead is futile and opened my arms wide to whatever the future brings. I've thought about who I am and what I want. I've thought about boys. And sometimes even men! I've learned the difference between being alone and being lonely. I've learned I probably need more sleep than I get!

I personally know three other people on the same journey which is just sad. Seems like everyone my age is getting divorced and if they aren't, they are sticking it out, but miserable. How come we don't know how to be happy anymore? Or is that people were miserable before too, they just stayed married because they didn't have a choice?  I'm starting to think we just aren't meant to be in long-term relationships. The only reason we stay together is because we want to avoid the unpleasantness of breaking up. The people that make it 70 years married and are still relatively happy? I think they are just so senile by now, they don't care who they spend time with.

Yikes! Cynical tonight!

On that note, I bid you adieu!


Thursday, June 11, 2015

The Daily Chai is Not Murdered

Today's chai was bloody fantastic. Haven't spent a penny all week on them.
Kate needs a dresser at my new place so I've been trawling kijiji looking for something suitable because I'm too cheap to buy new and I'm all about the re-use philosophy. After a few days, something retro cute popped up and I emailed the person to see if it was available. Sure enough, it still was and the guy gave me directions to his place for a look see and possible pickup.
This was his email (in part): Use the driveway to the west of the apartment building. You'll see a dumpster there; park somewhere near it and then call me at XXX-XXX-XXXX and I'll come down to meet you. The dresser's in a garage near the dumpster. If it won't fit into your car, I can deliver it in my minivan. 

Now, I may just be completely paranoid, but some dingaling bells were going off a little bit here. "Park near the dumpster" in particular alarmed me as I pictured my body being sawn up into little pieces and dumped in it. That being said, I thought maybe I would ask him to just deliver it to my house, although I wasn't really sure I wanted him to know where I live. 

This was his reply back (in part): Is there any chance that you can come here to help me load it? I'm asking because I'd feel terrible if it got damaged while I was trying to load it by myself.

Dammit. Why does this weirdo want me to come to his apartment building so bad? Should I take his word at face value or is it just more convenient for him to dump my body if the dumpster is right there for him? That's it, I need reinforcements. I text my mom and even though she is sick and feels like death, she agrees that she will come with me to pick up the dresser, which, after re-reading the dimensions mentioned in the ad, will surely fit in my Golf once I put the seats down. Problem solved and I write the seller back to let him know I will come the next day WITH MY MOTHER (just in case he was getting any ideas) and I apologize for the number of emails that went back and forth while trying to arrange this purchase. 

This was his reply back (in full): It all sounds good to me. I've enjoyed our emails. :) See you tomorrow (I hope).


I really love Kijiji but these exchanges always make me very anxious when they can't take place at the mall. It probably doesn't help that I read the Want-Ad Murderer when I was a teenager which told the story of Harvey Louis Carignan, the man who lured young women to his gas station with help-wanted ads so he could rape and murder them. Creepy emails don't help either. 

Anyway, turns out the guy is very nice and he's old and probably a little lonely, judging from his emails. He did not try to kill or abduct me or my mother, much to our relief. After loading the dresser into my Golf, I sent a couple texts out to friends to tell them I wasn't murdered and we all cheered. 


Wednesday, June 10, 2015

The Daily Chai Discusses Female Friendship

Today's chai was an unbirthday gift. Not only a gift, but a literary reference. Day made.

Kate texted me yesterday: Mommy can I talk too you it's ergint.

Five minutes later (the kid does not have a lot of patience): Mama please

So of course I get this message and I'm immediately worried something absolutely terrible has happened to my baby girl. Sadly, something has. Her very best friend has told a couple other kids that she hates Kate.

Oh crap.

Kate is in tears, but she's also mad. Her bestie has been a bit of a trial the past few months. She took over a dance Kate and two other little girls wanted to do for the talent show and told them their routine was stupid. She said if they were going to get into the talent show, they needed to do what she told them to do and if she wanted suggestions from them, she'd ask. And then, mom, then she made herself the STAR OF THE SHOW, OF COURSE [insert eye roll here]. This type of direction from the bestie went on for a couple weeks to the point that Kate did not want to try out for the talent show anymore and told me it wasn't fun which made her sad because when her bestie wasn't involved, she was having a great time with the other kids.

Another day, her bestie was playing with another kid and told that kid, "Let's make Kate jealous because we are playing together." I have to give Kate props here, she said, "I don't get that. I mean, it's okay for her to have other friends, she doesn't have to play with me all the time. I have other friends that I play with too. Why did she think I would be jealous if she played with someone else?"

Kate's friend has also been pretty bossy lately, even besides the dance routine and wants the kids to do what she wants them to do and gets mad and runs away when they don't listen.  Then she won't talk to Kate (or whoever the offending party is) for the rest of the afternoon and tells the other kids not to play with them either. "And mom, I do not have to do what she tells me to do. I am my own person, if I don't want to do what she tells me to do, I'm not going to." More props. That's my girl.

This, I know, is pretty typical kid stuff. I remember this type of thing from when I was that age. It's endless and dramatic and I know my kid is as dramatic as the rest of them and that there are three truths to every story, so who knows what things Kate has said to her best friend over the course of the year that's upset her in the same ways. I love my kid, but I'm not so deluded that I think she's up for a sainthood.

Yesterday, after hearing her bestie hates her, she'd had enough and she wanted to know what to do about this situation. This was my advice to her:

Number one is you can confront her and tell her that you heard she hates you and you're upset about it and want to know if it's true. If you kind of believe she said it and you care enough about her to fix the situation, you have to face her and ask her what's up. Then you can start talking about ways to change it and make your friendship better.

Number two is ignore the situation entirely and carry on as though you never heard she hates you and keep hanging out with her. This is a bit cowardly and probably not the best solution, but hey, you have two weeks left of school. If you never want to see her again when school ends, you don't have to.

Number three is you can decide this is not worth your time anymore and you can (tactfully and gently) break up with her. Tell her the reasons that you no longer want to be friends, they are valid reasons after all and things you don't need to put up with, especially from someone who you've said is your best friend above all others. That is a special title, reserved for the very best people in your life. Someone who treats you like crap, gets you in trouble, tries to make you jealous etc is not living up to that title.

I know, I know, you're shocked, aren't you? My advice to my nine year old was to break up with her bestie.

But there is this persistent and yet mythical idea that we are supposed to fight for our girlfriends tooth and nail and hold on to every friendship we have ever formed or we are failures as females and human beings. One simply does not give up on the BFF. But the truth is, female friendships are the same as opposite sex relationships and they can end for the same reasons.

Ending a friendship, especially a long one, or one that was once close, simply sucks and we may shed as many tears for a girlfriend as some boy (truth be told, probably more). But the sad truth is, friendships end and it's normal and it doesn't make you a bad person or a failure. It doesn't make your friend a bad person or a failure. But holding on to someone that makes you feel like shit is not healthy and you'd be better off putting your energy into cultivating a friendships that enrich your life instead of dragging you down.

That being said however,  I think it's important to actually say the words, "I care about you, but I think it's time that we end our friendship." Ouch, right? But think about it, if you walk away and decide to never talk to that person again because you have had enough, you are the guy that just stops calling and your friend is the girl left wailing, "But what did I do WRONG??" There is no closure for either of you and there is no chance of reconciliation because walking away will leave feelings of confusion, anger, resentment and a whole lot of hurt. Telling them (again tactfully and gently and maybe not with a lot of gory detail) basically why you don't want to be friends can serve several purposes.

1) It gives them a chance to explain themselves if, perhaps, your reasons are based on a misunderstanding. This could possibly lead to fixing your friendship and saving something you once cherished. 

2) It gives you a chance to get some of your hurt off your chest and therefore get closure if you do walk away.

3) It gives them a chance to learn where they went wrong and possibly be a better friend in the future.

4) It gives them a chance to get some hurt off their chest about your past actions (because let's be honest, you aren't perfect and I'm sure you've done some shitty things too).

5) Which in turn gives you a chance to learn from your mistakes and be a better friend in the future.

6) It gives you both an ending point to move on from properly so you haven't just drifted away and left your once bestie with those feelings of confusion, anger, resentment and hurt.

Ending a friendship is crap. I've done it before and it sucked. But honestly, with some time and distance, I've come out on the other side as a better person and (I hope) a better friend. It doesn't have to be a bad thing and it can even be an opportunity for growth.

And now I am tired. Good night.


Tuesday, June 09, 2015

The Daily Chai is Taking a Day Off

Today's chai was free. And so was lunch. And so was dinner. Because my friends are awesome! Happy birthday to me!

That being said, I'm taking today off from writing (or rather, from trying to think of something to write about. Love the writing process; the ideas part, not so much) Thanks for all the birthday wishes, you sure know how to make a girl feel loved! 


Monday, June 08, 2015

The Daily Chai is Excited

Today's chai was delicious. I drank it too slowly and it was cold by the time I finished it which sucked. That's what I get for savouring something. Quick and dirty is the only way to get things done.

My birthday is tomorrow and on my way to work today, I decided that the day before my birthday is the best day of the year, simply because of the anticipation. I rarely enjoy my birthday because it never lives up to the anticipation of the day before -- I should probably try to curb that a little bit. However, tomorrow, even though I have to work and I hate working on my birthday, I have sushi dinner with the bestie planned and I can't wait! Plus, I have a deal with a delightful person that she brings my birthday treats to work and I will do hers next month. After all, why the hell should I make treats on my birthday? Best birthday ever!

On a side note, I also decided this morning that the day after my birthday is the suckiest day of the year because suddenly nothing is about me anymore after all the fun festivities. BORING. And the ugly narcissist in me rises to the surface. Sorry about that. I won't promise that it will never happen again.

I decided today was as good a day as any to quit smoking, so I'm a little grouchy. I quit five years ago when I got pregnant with Anna (can you even imagine me already bitchily pregnant and quitting smoking on top of that? Scary) and I started up again around the end of November after a relapse one night. I knew if I had one, I would be up to a pack a day within a month and I wasn't wrong. I can't be one of those people that smokes every once in awhile. I hate those people. I am supremely jealous of those people. Those people suck. If I'm going to quit, it has to be always and forever. Balls. I'll keep you updated on how it's going. As it is, I'm using the patch to quit and I know I have super vivid, funky dreams while I'm on the patch, so I have that to look forward to tonight and you, as my faithful readers, have those dreams to look forward to as well. If they are PG rated anyway. 

UPDATE: I would like a cigarette right now actually. I keep feeling like I'm forgetting to do something, but I'm haven't. Oh yes, that's right, I HAVE forgotten something. I've just forgotten to buy smokes. And I've forgotten to smoke them. Dammit.  

I'm going to see my girls tonight while my ex has a thing to go to and I'm thinking about packing and what I can pack ahead and what I have to leave until just before moving day. God, I hate packing! I wonder if there is anyone in the world who likes to pack. I would like to meet them and shake their hand for being a wonderful human being and then ask them to pack my house up. My ex has been quite industrious about getting his stuff out of the way so maybe getting my stuff ready won't be too hard. It's the kitchen stuff that drives me bonkers. All that wrapping and cleaning out of cupboards. Ugh. 

I can hardly believe that I'm moving permanently to my mom's place next week. Which is now my place as she moves the rest of her stuff into her husband's house. Talking to a friend about it today and shaking our heads about how fast everything is coming up after what seems like the longest seven months of my entire life. I had a moment the other day, lying in the sun reading...I put my book down and I was just lying there thinking...almost 38, two kids, on the road to divorce, moving yet again, how in the holy fuck did I get here? Life is unpredictable to say the least. I've stopped planning anything for the future because there is no point, life always comes along to pull the rug out from under you and then it laughs and laughs and laughs. 

UPDATE: I would still like a cigarette.


Sunday, June 07, 2015

The Daily Chai is Feeling...Delicate

Today's chai was, according to day-after-party tradition, McDonald's:

Oh McDonald's, for what we're about to receive, please make us truly thankful. 

And oh I am thankful for this hangover food that I was not able to drag myself out of the house for until 3:30 this afternoon. 

Last night is a blur but judging by how I felt this morning at 7:00 am when my phone started dinging and beeping and generally being a total asshole, it was a good night. Why oh why did I not put the damn thing on silent before I went to bed last night? Possibly because I don't remember going to bed last night. Oops. 

I had a fabulous time yesterday with so many people that I love. I am truly lucky to have such great people in my life. Sometimes it's hard to remember, when things aren't going so well, that there are many positive aspects to life. Whether it's a job you love, a home where you feel safe, a hobby that makes you feel alive, friends who want you around, families that need you, we all have something that is good in our lives. We get so caught up in what we don't have or what we want that we forget to appreciate the things we do have. Nothing wrong with striving for better than what you have, but it's important to take moments out of you life to love yourself for what you have already accomplished. Give yourself some credit for everything that you've done that has gotten you HERE, in this moment. Do you like yourself? Are you generally a decent human being? Do you brake for small animals on the road? Then all those mistakes and trials that you give yourself shit for are worth it because they taught you to be the person you are right now. Don't regret the journey just because there were a few tears. 

Love you guys, thanks for reading!


Saturday, June 06, 2015

The Daily Chai is Getting Ready

Today's chai was only a tall but it was delicious. I enjoyed it in my car while running around doing what felt like a million things. I much prefer being at the office and walking casually down to get my chai and enjoying it later at my desk, but what can you do? At least it's Saturday and that means party night!

I took the rats to the Humane Society this afternoon and they were very nice about it and quite understanding, although I feel like a shithead dropping my kid's pets off there. The girl at the counter said several of the employees there are rat people and they would likely be adopted together very quickly, so that was good news at least.

I kept thinking about poor Kate and even though this came about because she neglected them, it's one more loss that she has to endure. When my parents broke up, we lived on a farm and when we had to move, our Newfoundland dog had to be given away and most of our cats. My mom arranged free board for my horse for a year with a family friend, so I was able to keep him a little longer, but eventually he had to go too. It sucks losing pets and you never really stop wondering what happened to them and if they were well taken care of after they left you. My pets are long dead, but I've often wondered what became of them. I did get to see my horse again, about five years later, I found out where he'd been sold (he'd been sold a couple times since we owned him). His new owner was this completely lovely old man that had bought him because he matched a mare the man already owned and when he found out that Duffy was my first (and, it turned out, last) horse, he was more than pleased for my mom and I to come visit him. That lovely guy (whose name I can't remember) took us out for lunch and then we went for a ride. Just another lesson about life, I guess. You never know what gifts it will bring you. When we sold Duff, I thought I would never see him again, but I got a chance to hug him and just stand near him, leaning on him, breathing in his horsey scent and stroking his red-brown coat, just as I used to do in the fields on our farm. It was a wonderful chance and I cherish the memory of it, but it was also hard to say goodbye to him one more time. In fact, it was so hard that I never went to see him again although his owner asked us to come back whenever we pleased. So...I feel for Kate, even if they are only rats. They were her pets and she loved them when she remembered to.

Moving on. Tonight is pub crawl night! I'm going out with people I love so much and I'm excited to see everyone in one place. Tomorrow's entry might be incoherent and hungover, but it'll be worth it! See you on the other side of the shenanigans!


Friday, June 05, 2015

The Daily Chai Can't Think of a Title

Today's chai was boring. I may need to switch this shit up. Kidding. It was fabulous, of course.

Conversations with a four year old:

"I have to brush my teeth every day so they don't fall out, right?"

"Well, they are going to fall out anyway Anna. You have to brush your teeth every day to keep your teeth and gums healthy so when your big teeth come in, they will be healthy too."

"What? My teeth are going to fall out?"

"Yes, Anna. Just like Kate's fall out. They are baby teeth. It happens to everyone."


"Because your baby mouth is too small for big grown-up teeth."

"I like the dog. Why does he sleep with Kate and not me?

"Because he is Kate's dog and he always sleeps with her."

"No one sleeps with me and it's not fair and I'm lonely!"

"I'm sorry Anna. Life is tough."

"Why? Why does life has to be tough?"

"I don't know. Maybe you should Google it."

"Gooooogle? What's Google?"

*sigh* I deserve that.

Conversations with a nine year old:

"What are we doing two weekends from now? Because I was thinking we could go to the beach and don't forget I'm having a party for you for your birthday. I'm taking you out for sushi. What about the next time it's our weekend? Can we go shopping? I really, really, really, really want to get a Maplea doll. Do you think I could get one for Christmas? What's that Japanese game with the puzzle and the tiles and lots of colours? How do you spell dessert? Did I tell you that Sam* shared his lunch with me today? We traded snacks, even though we aren't really supposed to. But I mean, come on, we're in GRADE THREE, we know if we can't have something because we're allergic. How do you spell Japan? Can you put my password in for this app? Can we go to Vancouver this summer? And when are we going to see our cousins again? Mom, what's your favourite colour? Oh, never mind, it's red. Duh. I know that. Have you ever played this game? Do you have it on your phone? Oh, do you still have that one game, you know the one with the thing, the ice cream one? What was it called? This is a really fun game. Okay, are you ready? You have to pick one. Then you put it here and then you have to guess which one goes here."


And people wonder why I'm tired all the time. Or why parents in general are tired all the time. It's not that we don't get enough sleep (I don't, but that is beside to point), it's because our children torture us every day with either an impossible number of questions or an impossible amount of information.


*name changed. In all honesty, I wasn't really listening and I don't know which kid she was talking about.

Thursday, June 04, 2015

The Daily Chai Took Too Long

Today's chai was amazing. It was so good, I needed a chaperone just so things didn't get too out of control. 

I should probably say that I think the mystery of the blocked ex may be that he deactivated his account. One of our mutual friends texted me today to say she's been blocked too but then she went to search him and it came up that his profile was deactivated. At this point, I don't really care, but I feel it's only fair to correct the assumptions made in yesterday's post so that any other mutual friends aren't insulted/hurt by my claims when it's a simpler explanation of him just wanting a break from Facebook. See? That's why I shy away from writing nasty things about people. I'm usually wrong!

Moving on! Took the kids to the park tonight. My most hated activity. I used to play with Kate and run around with her, I was that crazy mom, yelling and playing with the kids. Now she has a whole other human to play with so I encourage them to play together while I sit. And now I'm that mom that just sits on her phone. And I swear, just stepping foot in the playground exhausts me. I can't stop yawning! In any case, the girlies had fun and went home exhausted and ready for bed. Likewise! 

More tomorrow!


Wednesday, June 03, 2015

The Daily Chai is Going to Bed Early

Today's chai was lovely. I love my daily tea quest.

Life with kids is busy. Love those little rug rats. Kate had a mini-recital for piano today which the parents are not allowed to watch, only the students. It gives the kids a chance to play in front of other students without being overwhelmed in front of a crowd of parents. I understand the idea behind the mini-recital, but it's pretty boring sitting there for 45 minutes while listening to kids play behind closed doors.

Afterwards, we went to get Anna and made tacos for dinner because it's TACO TUESDAY! I swear I don't do that on purpose, but we always seem to have tacos on Tuesday. I'd love to say it's my impeccable mother timing, but it's luck. God, those kids eat slow. Or maybe I just eat really fast. I made a taco salad and was done, utensils crossed on my plate, before they had finished their first taco. I had to sit there for HOURS while they ate six other tacos with and without meat, some with just sour cream, some with just cheese and lettuce. Anna was thrilled to make her own, but asked me to roll it up, "Make sure you fold the bottom up so it doesn't get messy mom," was her advice to me. Thanks kid. You'll be messy regardless. Then I told them they could help me with the washing up and the unloading of the dishwasher or they could get out of my hair for half an hour while I did it myself. They skidaddled. My evil mom plan worked!

My ex has blocked me on Facebook. And then he blocked a bunch of our "mutual friends" that he knew through me. Some of them are pretty upset about it, I mean, what did they ever do to him? One of them, in fact, said she hugged him when we first broke up and told him she backed us both and everything would be okay and we would get through this. I think that was pretty kind of her considering, but I guess he doesn't want anyone spying on him for my sake. As if anyone would and what? Write a full report and email it to me complete with footnotes and screenshots?  I was hoping that we didn't have to draw a line in the sand, that we could be amicable about this, but I find this type of thing silly and petty. It's just Facebook but unfriending people and/or blocking them hurts their feelings. Ridiculous as that may be, it's true.

The funny thing is, he told me at Christmas that if I ever get married again that I should put something in the pre-nup about how to handle social media should there be a break up. We kind of laughed about it because even though Facebook is so prevalent in our social lives, we didn't grow up with this and we often don't know how to handle these situations. When is it okay to start posting pictures of your new sig oth? When do you change your status from "in a relationship" to "separated"? At the end of the day, it doesn't REALLY matter, given the grand scheme blah blah, but you know, those little stings can eat away at you. Given what I have heard from other people about their own Facebook breakups and how some thoughtless posts have personally hurt me, I think about these things and do my best not to post hurtful things. However, since I've been blocked, I guess I don't need to worry about that anymore!


Tuesday, June 02, 2015

The Daily Chai is Asking for It

Today's chai was sweet and delicious. Sometimes things work out. Sometimes they don't. C'est la vie.

I know I am going to get flak about this but I have to say it. Scrolling through my Facebook feed, I came across this picture of Caitlyn Jenner on the cover of Vanity Fair:

really don't give a shit about a man becoming a woman or vice versa, I figure all the power to them, go for it. Your life. My one single opinion about people who endure this struggle is that they should be left to live their lives as they see fit. We all want our freedom to live our lives, who are we to decide how anyone else lives theirs? If someone told you how to live your life, you'd hopefully tell them to go to hell and go on your merry way. Fair enough?

My problem with this cover is that Caitlyn Jenner wants to be accepted for WHO SHE REALLY IS. Also fair enough. I get that, it's been a long struggle and you want to show the world where your journey has taken you. I get it. I write a blog about my opinions and feelings after all. Bruce Jenner's story, the one that has been fed to us over and over, is that he was dying inside every day because he was living a lie and now, as Caitlyn Jenner, she is complete and happy. I think that's fantastic. What an inspiring story to other people out there who struggle with their identity. However, that is where my admiration ends because this photoshopped, skin smoothed, highlights added,  tons of people working on her hair, make-up, and wardrobe and photographers at the digital ready to fix any flaw that might exist pisses all over her story and her journey. 

Her story is about being real and true to herself and yet, her first public picture as a full-out woman is just a fake misrepresentation of what she really looks like. It's as fake as any of those other pictures you see in magazines, the same ones that we complain about because they create unfair beauty aspirations to our youth and to ourselves. Those pictures that make you feel like you will never be pretty enough, your hair smooth enough, your skin flawless enough, your eyebrows arched enough, your make-up smudge-free enough, your body skinny enough, oh yes, I could go on in this vein forever. You can google "body dysmorphia disorder caused by media" and get 213,000 results in 0.53 seconds (yes, I just checked that). We agree pretty whole-heartedly that models in photoshopped photos being shoved down our throats at an alarming rate is mentally unhealthy for a vast majority of people. Don't even get me started on how all those perfectly chiselled male models make the regular Joe feel. He may not admit it, but it pisses him off too. 

So it actually makes me sad that Caitlyn Jenner is hiding behind this photoshopped image of herself. Because it's still living a lie, isn't it? I'd rather see the original untouched photo of Caitlyn Jenner and celebrate that instead. 


Monday, June 01, 2015

The Daily Chai Had a Busy Monday

Today's Chai was free. 'Nuff said. 

The kids and I stayed at my new place last night which meant an hour drive this morning into our old town to drop them for school and daycare and then back to get to work. Since we're set to move the big furniture June 16th, I figure this was a good practice run for the the rest of the school year. I felt bad about getting them up so early but they are little troopers and it only took a little conjoling  to get them out of bed. 

I've put the pet rats on Kijiji to go to a "dedicated " home. I think rat ownership may take a certain type of person and Kate is not that type. In a vain effort to prove to me that she should be allowed to keep her rats, she's cleaned out the cage and vacuumed the floor and is now working on sweeping the downstairs. However, after months of cleaning their cage and watching as they spent evening after evening in their cage, my heart is immovable. Rats are great pets for people who like to have little critters in their pockets. Like I said, it takes a certain person for rat ownership.