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Monday, February 26, 2007

The Academy Awards

Last night, along with millions of other people, I watched the Oscars. For once I was able to stay up and watch the whole thing since I didn't have to work the next day, but now I wish I hadn't. It was a mishmash of ideas stuck together and called an awards show. I liked Ellen, I thought she was funny (a big improvement from Chris Rock who advocates hate with his racist black vs white humour), but she was barely even on the show. Then there was the singing, each year I can't stand the singing numbers, but this year seemed worse. Maybe it was the fact that three of the songs were from the same picture because apparently there wasn't any other movies with original songs in them? The show obviously ran long, not ending until long after midnight, but they had this guy recapping at the end of some sections on who's just won and how many Oscars were left to give away and talking inanely about Oscars work pools you may have entered. It was painful to see how many Oscars were left to give out after sitting on my couch for three hours. Here's a clue guys: If you're running into overtime, delete the guy who is talking about stuff that no one cares about.
And while I thought it was cool that a nobody like Jennifer Hudson (who was voted off American Idol for crying out loud), just won for best supporting actress, I seriously thought I was going to get an unwanted look at her nipple during her musical number. It came THIS CLOSE to popping right out and making the Academy wish they'd never heard of Jennifer Hudson. I was glad that she was on and off stage during the number and it looked like she was able to adjust her boob, because it looked a lot less likely to jump out and say hi during the last half of the act.
Will Ferrell and Jack Black were funny in a Broadwayeque number lamenting the fact that they would never be nominated and challenging the nominees to a fight. The best part was Will Ferrell saying that Mark Walberg was actually pretty tough, so he didn't want to fight him. "No, really, I think you're a great actor"
They also had these people who gathered behind a screen and made shadows of some of the movie logos or themes. This sounds lame, I know, but you see these shadows of people tumbling onstage and they jump, join, and stretch together and suddenly instead of ten people you have a clear picture of the shoe from the Devil Wears Prada, or four penguins from Happy Feet or a gun for The Departed. It was weird, but really kind of cool.
The Departed won Best Picture and Martin Scorsese won for the same picture for Best Director. Since the picture kicked ass (was very bloody and shocking, but also sad and exciting, quite a ride) and since Scorsese, a legend of Hollywood has never won before, those final Oscar moments, while maybe not worth a four hour wait, were truly wonderful to see.

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Embarrassingly Clumsy

I went to Ikea with Tara yesterday and before we started shopping, we fed ourselves and the babies. The restaurant at the Burlington Ikea is pretty good and they provide microwaves for any baby food you might bring. Kind of refreshing that they don't insist that you eat their food. Anyway, after we were all done eating, I put our trays on the tray rack. Then Tara thought maybe she left her tubberware lid on the tray, so I went to look, but couldn't find it. She couldn't find it either, so I thought I would double check the tray. I pulled the tray out from the rack about halfway and then used both hands to start searching through the dishes and napkins on the tray. Unfortunately, no sooner had I let go of the tray then it came crashing down to the floor, spilling uneaten food and breaking dishes with a resounding *CRASH* I was so embarrassed, I started cleaning up the mess, hoping no one would notice. Considering there was salad, apple sauce, meatballs and mac and cheese mixed in with the broken dishes on the floor and the whole mess had somehow spread out about three feet in every direction, trying to hide it was futile, but I tried anyway. While I was thinking this, I picked up a piece of broken dish by the sharp edge and cut my finger. It wasn't much worse than a paper cut, but it was bleeding a lot more. This is when the Ikea employee came out and said, "Oh, don't worry about cleaning that up, we can do, it's our job" and I said, "OK, is there a place I can wash my hands? And I need a bandaid, I have a little cut" "OH, well, you need to come with me and talk to a manager, you'll have to fill out an incident report" Ah crap!!! So I followed the Ikea person over to the cashier, where, apparently, there was a manager. I went with her to the sink, but not before two customers saw my bleeding finger and made sympathetic but disgusted face at me. The manager had me wash my hands and swab the cut with alcohol (OUCH). The whole time this was happening, Tara was with the babies and she was probably wondering where the hell I was, because I went to check for her lid and then I disappeared! So I told the manager I would be right back, I had to tell my friend what had happen. The manager said that was fine, that Rob was coming up to fill in an incident report. Greaaaaaat! So we were standing there and the manager comes over and gives me a bandaid and then this guy comes up and says he's Rob and I told him that my finger was fine, that is was a tiny cut, no more than a paper cut, really, so he was like, "So you don't want to fill out a report?" And I was, "Um, if I don't have to, than no." So we were free to go. I had a bloody papertowel to throw out and Tara had a paper towel and a glass so I took them for her and since I didn't want to leave the glass on the counter, I put it on a tray that was on the dreaded tray rack. Only the floor was all slippery from my now mopped mess and my left foot slipped forward and I went down hard to ground on my right knee. I'm not kidding, I have a bruise today to prove it! I stood back up so quickly, I don't even think anyone noticed. At least, I'm really hoping no one noticed. I rushed over to Tara and said, "We have to leave, now. I just fell in the wet spot created by my mess and I don't want to have to fill out an incident report!" Tara started laughing at me and said, "Really, what happened, did you really fall? Are you ok?" And then, THEN, when I got home last night and I was putting stuff away and cleaning out my closet (I got a shoe holder and now my closet is all orgnaized) I fell down the stairs holding the baby and three bags of used clothes. I only fell down the three stairs leading to the landing, but I hurt my bum and my lower back. At least there wasn't a cafeteria full of people staring at me as I went down this time. I'm hoping that I spent all my clumsy tokens yesterday and that I have a accident-free Tuesday.
Oh, and the lid, the one that Tara couldn't find and thought was on the tray? She suddenly remembered that she left it over near the microwaves and then forgot to get it before we left the restaurant anyway!!! For all we know, that lid is still on the counter waiting for someone to claim it!

Friday, February 09, 2007

I Made a Sweater

I made a sweater for Kate. This is a picture of her in the sweater, she is obviously very excited about it (or maybe she's wondering how the baby in the other room has the same sweater as she does):
I did not use a pattern, because I didn't find one that I liked, so I made one up myself. It's not the greatest sweater ever made, but it's nice enough and I like the colours. It's something Kate can look at when she's a grownup and say, "My mother made that for me." My mother thinks I'm very daring to knit a sweater without a pattern. Woohoo, we're on the train to Thrillsville now. Stop the train, I'm getting out--knitting without patterns leds to chaos and chaos leds to anarchy, the whole world may collapse because I took two sticks and some yarn and decided to make up my own pattern. Knit one row, pearl one row. Omg I can't handle the pressure.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

There Should Be People Who Do This For a Living

One broken latch, three stripped screws, one broken drill bit, two useless packs of latches, four skinned knuckles, three un-needed holes drilled into my cupboards and one blood blister later, I have managed to attach childproof latches to my four drawers in the kitchen. I'm very proud. Well, sorta proud. Already I hate them. Everytime I open a drawer *THUNK* and the drawer stops short of actually opening. And then *THUNK* the drawer stops as it's closing. I know it's better and safer for Kate since she is starting to "cruise" around the place and one of her favourite things is to open the drawers. She hasn't pinched her fingers yet, but our drawers are mean, I've been bitten by them myself. Anyway, this is what Kate thinks of my babyproofing:

She has had a fever for almost 48 hours. Well, an off and on fever. Low-grade, probably induced by teething, but it's still a fever. I know low fevers are actually good because it means she's strong and fighting something, but it still freaks me out that my baby has a fever. Words like, "fever spiked" and "deadly infection" keep buzzing in my head like angry bees, ready to sting if I pay too much attention to them.

Friday, January 26, 2007

First Haircut and Retarded Self-Help Books

Yesterday, after Kate fell asleep, I gave her a hair cut. It looks pretty good except now she looks more like a boy than ever! At least she has proper bangs now, instead of those annoying wispy bits of hair that went everywhere. And I have all these mini barrettes now that I can put in her hair so that people know she's a girl. It's kind of funny, because I find it annoying when she is wearing pink and people think she's a boy, but really, who cares? So people think she's a boy, it's not like it will last long and she'll grow up emotionally scarred because she was mistaken for a boy all the time. She doesn't know the difference, so she doesn't care! Cutting her hair for the first time made me feel nostalgic. Not too much more time before I go back to work :(
MSN was featuring a video series about this book called Babyproofing Your Marriage. One of their 'tips' was the Five Minute Fix, which is giving your husband a blowjob instead of having sex with him. Apparently, of the men interviewed, most agreed that they would do whatever their wife wanted (babysitting, housework, with a smile no less!) if they got regular blowjobs. This is just wrong on so many levels. First of all, how ridiculous is it to suggest giving a blowjob instead of sex? If I don't feel like sex, why on earth would I feel like giving my husband a blowjob? Secondly, the authors reason that it will get him off your back for a couple days without rejecting him completely. Honey, if you are just trying to get your husband off your back for a few days, why don't you try TALKING to him? Treating him like a chauvenistic pig isn't good for anybody. I know, I know, guys would rather get the blowjob than a heart-to-heart, but sometimes life sucks (or, in this case doesn't, ha ha). Thirdly, the authors, after interviewing many couples, found that women wanted more help, with the kids and the housework and guys wanted more sex. So the solution is a blowjob for him so he will help you clean the dishes? Fuck that, if my husband can't wash the dishes without me 'sexually servicing' him, I'd rather just wash the damn things alone! I'm not saying that our sex life is perfect, or that the occasional blowjob wouldn't help, but seriously, this is the solution three authors came up with to help millions of couples with kids? Here is a review I found: Jenna's Review It wasn't very flattering and I'm glad I read it before wasting my time with the book! Frankly, I'm a little disappointed with MSN for featuring such crap.
If a book like this can get published, surely I can write something worthwhile!

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

A Hole in My Sock

I have a hole in my sock and my bra isn't giving me enough support and my hair has split ends. Today everything seems sucky. Maybe I'm just depressed that Christmas is over...