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Thursday, June 29, 2006

Without Angst, There's Nothing to Write

I was thinking I should write something today since the baby's asleep, but then I realized I had nothing interesting to say. So I'm writing about nothing. Seinfeld would be proud.

Why is it that I only feel the urge to write when I'm unhappy or something's bothering me? I mean, ok, the answer to that is obvious, but why don't I feel like writing when I'm happy, like I am today?

Once K went down for her morning nap I got so much done, I cleaned two bathrooms, my floors, my dogs (after sweeping the dog hair for the nth time, I decided they needed a go with the Kong Groomer), my kitchen and then myself. Then K woke up, so I fed her and played with her and then she starting grizzling and moaning and beating her little hands on my shoulder and face and I decided that it was time for another nap. I looked in not five minutes later and she's out cold with her mouth open.

I know, I KNOW I'm biased, and every mother thinks their baby is the most beautiful child in the world, but honestly, who can say that Bradgelina's spawn is beautiful? Especially compared to mine?

Baby Dilemma #49

The soap scum collects on the ledges of the tub, soon geologists will come knocking on my door, asking if they can study the layers of sediment forming there. The ring around the tub would make Pig Pen wince. The sink has gobs of dried toothpaste on it, from not one, but two types of paste, proving exactly how long it's been since the sink has seen a sponge. The mirror is so spotted with water and other nasty stains that my face can barely stare out accusingly at me. The toilet...well, let's not even go there.

But how do you clean your bathroom when your baby won't take her mid-morning nap?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Rainy Day

I was just out having a smoke on the front porch when it suddenly starts POURING rain. Then I notice a woman and a bunch of kids walking on the other side of the street. She was pushing a stroller, with a green plastic wagon attached to it the handle. Two small children are walking ahead of her, she is carrying a crying two-year-old on her hip and I notice that there are not one, but two children in the stroller. My admiration grows as I notice a dog attched by its leash to the wagon. This woman, sorry, I should say SUPERwoman is taking care of FIVE small children, who I assume must all be under the age of five, or they would be in school. And a dog. I can barely manage to manouver my stroller and control my rotweiller at the same time. I fight the urge to go running up to her and begging her to become my au pair.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

How To Put a Baby To Bed

How to put a baby to bed in five easy steps:

1. Give baby bath.
2. Feed baby.
3. Put baby in crib
4. Tuck baby in
5. Walk away.

I'm serious, this is how easy it is to put my daughter to bed. New mothers everywhere are cursing me, I know. She is 11 weeks old and sleeps from 9-5:30.

My mum said, "Doesn't it make you feel good that she's such a good baby?" and I said, "Yes, it does, but it really has nothing to do with me, does it? She's just a happy baby and I'm really lucky." She replied with, "Yes, but when they cry or act badly, you feel like a bad parent and it still doesn't have anything to do with you. They're babies, they act the way they act." I know I still have a lot to learn and I learn things about my daughter everyday that make me a better mom, but I know I'm a good mom because I have an easy baby. If she cried all the time, I would be going nuts. I love her so much that I can feel something sqeezing my heart when I look at her, but this is probably because she's a good baby. She probably cries about 15-30 minutes at the most everyday. And that's usually because I'm taking too long to get my boob out to feed her.

When I was pregnant, I worried so much that I would be a bad mom because I'm so impatient and when I lose my temper, even strong men are afraid of me. My mom has said numerous times what a great mom I am, but her obvious surprise when she says it makes it less then flattering. But then I think, who am I kidding? She's right, it IS surprising that I'm a good mom!!! But baby, I was made for motherhood. Who knew?

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Baby Dilemma #67

I can see it up there, blocking the passage. I can hear the air whistle as it's forced passed it. Removing the booger in my daughter's right nostril is becoming an obsession for me. I have this bulb thing that looks like a mini turkey baster that is supposed to remove things like mucus in babies' noses. It doesn't work worth a shit! And she hates it, cries like crazy when I try to use it. Well, I got over her crying and just kept using it, but this current booger has been very resistant to being removed. I feel like an idiot. I mean, what am I supposed to do, make an appointment with my doctor to have the booger removed from her nose? "Yes, I'd like to make an appointment with Dr So and So. Uh, yes, the reason for the visit today is the booger lodged in my daughter's right nostril" What is the polite term for booger anyway? Hardened mucus? Nose candy? Green goo?
God, I can't wait for her to understand the simple request: "Blow!"

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Dirty Diapers, Groceries and Eating Too Much

I just got in from having a smoke. Great weather out there. I wish it was always like this. Just survived the hottest f'n weekend I can remember. Spent two days in the car, first driving to Peterborough, then driving back. With a two and half month old infant sweating in the back seat, my husband sweating beside me and me. Also sweating. K was so hot, I thought she had heatstroke. I should have been sitting back there, wiping her with a wet cloth or something. We have all revived, but it was one bloody hot weekend. Lovely wedding and totally worth, but dear lord, I am happy to be back in air conditioning.

Anyway, I got groceries today and an old man asked me if my baby was for sale. I told him that we thought she was pretty cute and decided to keep her. Maybe next time. He tried to get her to smile and K, the smileyest of babies, would not smile. She just stared at him like the crazy old man he was. She is already a good judge of character. She probably heard him ask if she was for sale and didn't appreciate it. Good judge of character, but not a very good sense of humour apparently.

Then I got home and made a huge salad for B's lunch (he's on afternoons) and made one for me while I was at it. Then K was hungry so I nursed her and instead of eating my beautiful salad afterwards, I gorged on pickled herring, cheese and crackers, a peice of Montreal smoked meat and a gulp of Pepsi. Why didn't I eat that gorgeous salad? Because it's salad. Did you really need an answer for that?
Huh, sounds like the nap is over. Guess I will have to tell you about the dirty diaper next time (just kidding).


My pug dog is a maniac. I caught him eating the cat's shit out of the cat's litterbox today. What a disgusting little dog he is. If he wasn't so cute, I think he's be in the great Dog Park in the sky by now. Seriously. After all the baseboards have been chewed, the pee-stained carpet's been thrown out, the poop on the floor has been cleaned up day after day and the dirty diapers have been ripped open and shredded on my floor, I wonder why he is still alive. The reason, quite simply, is he is too cute to die. Lucky, lucky dog.

Oh. And he cuddles with me in the morning and he sleeps at my feet while I write at the computer. That helps.

Monday, June 19, 2006

First Entry

I promised a few people I would start a new blog once my baby was born and became obsolete for my purposes. It was a site to record my feelings about being pregnant and while I found writing in it immensely satisfying (and reading other people's blogs addictive), I'm not longer pregnant, so that particular blog seems to have served its purpose.

My new dilemma is this: do I tell people about my new blog and encourage them to read about my life, or do I allow anonymity to protect my true feelings and thoughts? I often felt that with my family and friends checking my blog on a daily basis to see how my pregnancy was going that I couldn't always be honest about my feelings. While I wrote, I mentally edited the things I didn't want to expose to the people I love. I felt this editing made my stories less true, less heart-felt. How am I to make people feel something when my own words are stilted?

So I am undecided about whether to tell people about this new blog. My reasons for wanting people to know about my blog are purely narcissistic because I want people to read my stories and enjoy reading my blog. Maybe one day I will write something worthwhile, something that could be published. Then I read a truly good book and my hopes are dashed. I could never write as well as those authors. So there, my not-so secret wish is revealed: that by writing in this blog, I will hone my skills enough to be worthy of becoming a published author. Let's see, shall we?

This blog is called Chatter Between Naps not because I will be napping between the postings, but because my young daughter will be. Hopefully. More on her later, I promise you that. In fact, if I manage to write an entry without mentioning her once, it will be something of a miracle.

Ah, my mum has just shown up with a pack of smokes and a bottle of Coke. It's time for us to catch up. I will write more later