Today's chai was delicious. Hot and spicy. It's like crack to me and I may need an intervention at some point, but for now, I continue my addiction and really, would you want me to stop? After all (and I'm aware I've said this before) what would I write about? My daily Diet Dr. Pepper? Doesn't have the same ring, does it?
Went out with a couple friends tonight to a local pub and had the saltiest, pepperiest poutine of my life. I ate it with great gusto, but I wasn't very happy about it. And the bacon I added...pfft. Fuck you limp, undercooked bacon that I barely knew was there. I am bitter about the bacon. It should have overthrown and conquered the poutine, but it did not. Pet peeve number 486.
I have a confession to make. Actually, I probably have several confessions to make but I'll keep those to myself. My confession that I want to confess at this moment in time is that I'm stuck. I can't move forward and can't go back and I don't know what to do about it. I am a woman of action though and I can't just wait around for life to happen to me, I want to make things happen, I want to be the doer of things, the seeker of adventure and the catastrophe of life. Even if it's a bad idea, it's bound to be a good time, so who fucking cares, right? Except one day you find yourself in a situation that you don't know how to solve because your brain is telling you one thing and your heart is screaming in another direction as fast as it can go. People keep telling me to protect my heart, but apparently that is something I am just not capable of doing. I don't understand being reserved, I don't know how to play it cool, I don't understand the games, I just am what you see, what I present to you is the sum of everything I am. I am many, many things, but the one thing I am not, is a mystery. I do not know how to build my wall. I've tried, you see, and it just isn't me, so screw it.
I don't know if this is a bad thing or not. It seems to charm the pants off some people and scare the shit out of others. Perhaps what I need to do is charm the pants of someone and not worry about the rest because hey, pants off and we're all having a good time. Might still be a bad idea, but again, who fucking cares? We have one life to live guys, are you going sit here wishing you'd done something or are you going to at least try? I'd rather try and fail, experience the good and bad, than not try at all and always, always wonder what might have happened if only I'd just been brave enough to take a chance. We're all going to fall at some point, but it's how we go down that's the funniest part, we all know that. We grew up with America's Funniest Home Videos after all. So we try and we fall and we bounce back up and try again with the faith that at some point, it's just going to work out in our favour. At some point, it just has to, the odds tell us that, right? And, besides, what a great fucking story it all is to tell one day!
You can take that anyway you please. I'm applying it to many situations, my own and others to which I am only an outside observer. What the fuck do I know anyway?