Today's chai was tasty and spicy, just the way I like it.
Dammit Dammit Dammit. I have literally been thinking all evening about writing this post and what I would say and how I would word it and I was looking forward to writing it. Now I finally sit in front of my computer, lunches made for the beach tomorrow, animals fed and watered and the girls put to bed and my mind is completely blank about what I was going to write. Like, I literally could not tell you if my entry was going to be hysterically funny or deadly serious. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
I have a lot on my mind, primarily two things, but I'm not willing to write about them here. I know that's a tease and little unfair, but I can't post about them. It does, however, explain why, right at this moment, I cannot for the life of me remember what this blog post was supposed to be about. Do you know how excruciating it is to have an idea hidden in your mind, locked away so to speak? I can feel it peeking out just a little bit, like a bit of leg is showing, but just the sexy part that teases you and makes you think a hot woman is on the other side of that door. It could be that lovely vixen, Jessica Rabbit, but what comes out is a gorilla with a shaved leg. I'm not even that lucky, I still don't know what the rest of the body that belongs to that leg looks like.
I got my girls back today. Anna, sweet Anna, is completely oblivious. Obviously happy to see me and about equally happy to see the dog. She wants a good long cuddle with me when I have a second to sit down, but affectionately pats me on the cheek and kisses me all over my face with great enthusiasm when I pick her still little body up to give her a hug. Still deliciously little, but I think she's grown four inches since I saw her last week.
Kate, on the other hand, looks a little sad and immediately grabs me in a death grip and doesn't let go. I stroke her hair and murmur how much I've missed her and I'm so happy she is back with me. I rest my cheek on her head because I could use a good long hug too. I ask her if she's okay and she begins to cry, shakes her head. No, she is not okay, she is distraught, but she doesn't say why, so I continue to stand in the kitchen with my arms around her. Anna wanders around looking at things, noting my computer on the table, which was not here last week, but upstairs in my room. I stand there with my oldest girl and think how hard this must be for her each week, to leave one parent behind to be able to spend time with the other parent. My mother guilt creeps back in, ugly and oozing into my brain and my heart. Anna walks over, looks at Kate with concern and with a knowing, wise expression on her little baby face, she says, "Kate's upset because Grandpa's knee is all swelled up and he doesn't know why and they think it will never get better. He hates going to the doctor. Yup, that's why Kate's crying mummy."
"Kate, my darling, don't be upset. He will go to the doctor and I'm sure the doctor will figure out why it keeps swelling up. Remember, Nan got a whole entire bionic knee last summer and she's almost brand new!"
Kate nods, sniffling, but doesn't loosen her grip. I know she has missed me terribly, but she can be...a little indulgent in her emotions if you let her. I've learned long ago that if I change the subject, she snaps out of it pretty quick. Not wanting to make light of her sadness, but also wanting to get the dishwasher empty (why are mothers' attentions always so divided?), I gently tell her that she should tell me about her day and whether she went swimming so that I can finish up my chores and we can decide what we will do for the rest of the night. She sniffs a couple more times, nods and then enthusiastically tells me about how she can do a front summersault and a backward summersault in the water now and that last week she couldn't reach the thing she'd thrown to the bottom of the pool, but today she kept trying until she reached it. Anna added that Kate is able to float on her back, isn't that cool, mummy? Kate rolls her eyes with boredom and says, "Yeah Anna, that is so super hard!" "Kate, she thinks it's awesome and that you are amazing for being to do that. Don't make fun of her." Kate looks at me for a sec, "You're right. Thanks Anna, I'll teach you the next time we go swimming."
And with that, I've remembered what I was going to write about and it's too damn late to start it. Must remember to start taking notes while out and about and something strikes me as worth writing about. Apparently I'm getting senile in my old age.