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Friday, April 10, 2015

The Daily Chai Shudders with Anticipation

Today's Chia Latte, I'm going to be completely honest here, was just so much better coming from a real Starbucks than from our lovely little coffee shop at work which "serves" Starbucks coffee. Crushing, I know. My whole routine will have to change. Although the cute boy that comes with me for my morning latte might be just enough temptation to stick with mediocre tea. Oh don't get excited, he's 24 and has a girlfriend, remember?

I'm going to plug my brother's art now: You can follow him on Twitter @dtz247

For that matter, you can follow me at @mking247 although I usually only tweet the daily blog entry these days...although sometimes I come up with something hilarious in 120 characters or less that might be of interest to you.

I'm watching X-men: Days of Future Past on Netflix and Hugh Jackman's ass is delightful. Thank you 20th Century Fox for collaborating on this epic event with Marvel Comics. When I collaborate at work, it usually just ends with Powerpoint presentations and paperwork.

I had a fight with Kate today. I'm going to confess that I'm pretty much the worst parent ever today. She told me weeks ago that there was an Art Night at her school tonight but she didn't want to go anyway so I said that was fine. Tonight is my night to do laundry and pack for my week away so Art Night was the last thing on my mind. Kate suddenly decides she wants to go and starts whining incessantly about it. So this is where shitty parenting comes in. It was wet and cold outside and I have stuff to do, so I told her no. I know, I know, I should have gone, but her whining just set me over the edge. I've told you before those kids can wrap me around their fingers with fart jokes, sharing their candy and giving me a teddy bear to sleep with so I won't be lonely, but whining and crying makes me stone.

After 15 minutes or so of begging, pouting, bargaining and crying, Kate decides she's going without me and grabs her jacket. THAT IS IT, enough of this crap. I say the dreaded words, "GO TO YOUR ROOM!" And I don't know why, but that punishment, to my sensitive, darling girl is worse than death. She fucking loses her mind.

With a look close to terror on her face, she screams, "NOOOOOOOOO! I'll be good, I promise, please don't send me to my room, I'll be good, I'll be good!" And she's absolutely devastated, bawling her eyes out and shaking. Oh. My. God. My sweet, gentle, thoughtful girl has turned into a howling banshee with four little words.

And this is where my second instance of shitty parenting comes into play. I start laughing. I can't help it, it's just so ridiculous. I told her to go to her room, not sacrifice her dog to the gods and then eat his heart.

I practically frogmarch her to her room because she refuses to go. At nine, she is almost the same size as me, so this is harder than it sounds. Once in her room, she starts screaming that she hates me and I'm being unfair and she hates her room and she is never speaking to me again. She opens her door and screams at me some more about the unfairness of the entire universe and then slams her door so hard, her name sign falls off.

And I'm laughing but trying not to laugh the entire time. I understand the gravity of the situation. I get that I'm the parent and I should be stern but fair and deal with her in a mature and grown-up way. But she's LOSING HER MIND OVER GOING TO HER ROOM. The room she sleeps in every night and  in which she VOLUNTARILY spends most of her time ANYWAY.

I made her stay in there for 15 minutes. I figured that was enough torture for being a brat and I said she could come out and we could watch the rest of our movie before bedtime. Ten minutes later she is hugging my arm and telling me I'm the best mother ever.

Jesus shit I am in for a theme park full of roller coasters when she truly hits puberty if this is her pre-teen hormones kicking in.

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