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Tuesday, April 07, 2015

The Daily Chai Has Some More Pet Peeves

omg omg omg I just added the Starbucks app to my phone and I bought a $25 card to start buying my chai lattes and OMG I get points and if I buy enough, I get a Gold Starbucks card. OMG

Yes. I am overly excited about this. But really, it was high time, my step-sis told me about this months ago and I just got an email from another friend telling me ABOUT DOUBLE POINTS MONTH. You heard me. DOUBLE POINTS.

I know, it's hard to believe that so many things piss me off, but it's true. I think it's high time I wrote another entry about pet peeves. Because, let's face it, people are dumb, self-centred and basically thoughtless. That's why we cry when someone does something really nice on reality TV and we just can't believe they are risking the grand prize to help a fellow competitor out. Don't judge me, it was a special moment.

Pet Peeves Part Deux

1. People who get excited about stupid shit like Starbucks points

2. People who judge people for getting excited about stupid shit like Starbucks points

3. Disney Princesses. Why are they all so fucking smug?

4. The wobbly wheel on a shopping cart.

5. Needing to return something defective after you've thrown away the receipt. It's like the universe knows you threw it out even though you never throw any receipts out, but you decided that week to turn over a new leaf and keep your wallet tidier. The universe saw that and wants to make your life hell, so it maliciously breaks your new toy and now you can't return it because you don't have a receipt.

6. People who can't fucking drive in a roundabout. Always yield to oncoming traffic before entering the roundabout. Turning right? Stay in the outside lane and signal right. Turning left? Stay in the inside lane and signal left. Going straight? Stay in your fucking lane, whichever you happen to choose and don't signal. Exiting? Signal right just before you leave the roundabout and exit without cutting people off. Do not, repeat, do not take up both lanes in a two lane roundabout just because you don't want some guy sneaking up on your right side and passing you. That makes you an asshole. And you fucking know you're being an asshole, so stop it.

7. People who don't know the difference between effect and affect. Effect is a noun, a thing, i.e. The effect on the people was shocking. Affect is a verb, an action (affect/action easy peasy to remember, right?), i.e. The fireworks affected the quiet of the night.

8. People who use impact as a verb. It's a noun and no amount of arguing that English is an ever-evolving language will ever convince me that you can impact a situation given the right argument. You may only ever have an impact on a situation. Further to that, the use of the "word" impacted makes me want to vomit.

9. People who say "irregardless" Irregardless is not a word. First of all, I know this because there is a little green line under it right now that is making me want to correct it. Second of all, it's a double negative and we all learned in grade one that double negatives do not make a right. The prefix of "ir" and suffix "less" both give "regard" a negative punch, so now it's got two negatives battling it out for the win. Since irregard is most definitely not a word (red line proves it), regardless is the clear winner. REGARDLESS of my admiration for you, if you say irregardless one more fucking time just to try and sound smarter than the rest of us, I will gut you like a fish.

Shit. I've been watching Games of Thrones too much. Sorry about that. I just really hate the word irregardless. Like, a lot. More than alot.

Omg, so many red and green lines everywhere, I'm not even sure I can continue.

Moving on.

10. Zippers that split open at the bottom so you get trapped in your coat.

11. The movie Frozen.

12. Children who sing "Let it Go" from dawn until dusk. Please, for the love of really good cheese, LET IT GO. That movie came out two and a half years ago and it was fucking GREAT when it came out. I loved it. I laughed, I cried. I called Anna Feistypants (which she fricking HATED) until she yelled at me to stop. I loved the ending most of all and the message it gave to people everywhere.  Now it's just ruined. Thanks.

13. Places that don't sell pie. Seriously, what is wrong with you? Three weeks later and I'm still pretty upset about that.

14. People who have more like 20 things in the express checkout lane that clearly states eight items or less. You know you are trying to sneak them through without anyone noticing, but we notice. We always notice. I noticed you being an asshole who thinks you are better than waiting in the regular line. That your time is more important than my time. Well, I have news for you buster, I have a blog to write, so get out of my way.

15. People who say, "Oh, I guess it's free!" when an item doesn't scan. When I was a cashier at Zellers as a teenager, I heard that joke a couple times a day. It still bothers me to this day when I hear someone say it in front of me at the checkout.

16. People who say, "I just printed this today!" when they hand you a crisp new $50. See #15. Seriously. It's not funny.

17. Stepping in gum.

18. People who give gum to three year olds and then let her fall asleep so you have to cut it out of her hair because it dropped out of her mouth as she snored.

19. The colour yellow. Sometimes it's just too fucking chirpy for my liking.

20. Crooked pictures on walls.

21. People who are so rigid they can't pass a crooked picture without righting it.

22. Incomplete television series on Netflix. Where is the rest of Beverley Hills 90210? I've been waiting for three years for the last 4 seasons to be added.

23. Crunchy or stale Cadbury Cream eggs. Thanks for the new packaging, but now I'm pretty sure I've contributed more to global warming in the past month than I have in my entire life. In the five minutes of research I just did, I couldn't find any information on whether the new packaging is either a) biodegradable or b) recyclable. I've sent an email to Cadbury and I'll let you know. Depending on their response, I may have to swear off Cream Eggs for life. That would break my heart.

24. Twisted phone cords. Phones and their cords have been around for a hundred years give or take. Why hasn't one been invited yet that doesn't tangle? And who in the world actually thought that a spiral cord would be the best option so that basically all phones have adopted this type of cord? And I love human beings. Instead of inventing a better cord, we just invented cordless phones. Because something that seemed impossible was easier than a cord that didn't tangle.

25. People who litter. It's 2015 folks. We know better. 


Anonymous said...

HA - "gut you like a fish". I am going to make it a New Year's resolution to use that phrase more. And mean it. :-) - SC

Anonymous said...

Irregardless of all your issues. I like your blog alot. I will now go untwist my phone cord. ;)

littlemama said...

New Year's resolutions is another pet peeve.