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Friday, June 12, 2015

The Daily Chai is a Day Behind

Today's chai was the first one I paid for in a week. I'm quite enjoying this "birthday week" celebration thingy.

Yesterday was the first day I haven't posted at least one entry since I started the whole Daily Chai thing on February 23. I feel like I let down my legions of fans (okay, my 23 faithful readers). I'm a little disappointed in myself for missing a day, but hey, shit happens.

Moving on.

UPDATE: Day five of the quit smoking campaign. Forgot my patch today. Did not break down and lose my mind. Wanted a cigarette after finishing my lunch and after I put the kids to bed, but didn't cave. The fight continues.

As you may have probably guessed, I'm super busy this week/weekend and I've been referring to it as my weekend from hell. This is dance recital weekend. I hate this weekend. It's even worse this year because Kate now hates dance and has missed several classes due to travel, sickness, birthdays and holidays so she is nervous about her dance and she's been complaining all year about her teacher who yells at her too much. This is one rehearsal (Friday night), one recital (Saturday night) and one picture day (Tuesday night). Kate is in one dance and I want to tear my hair out, I don't know how these competitive kids handle the pressure. It probably doesn't help that I have to pack up my house this weekend to get it ready for the movers on Tuesday. Not the greatest timing, but it is what it is.

I'm so excited about finally living here full time and to finally, finally unpack my suit case. Four more days and I can stay put for good. You will have to drag my cold, dead body out of here before I will move again. After seven months and two weeks, I have arrived! The kids are pretty excited too, especially after Kate found the stash of markers and paper my mom left for them.

What a long, strange journey this has been. I've cried rivers of tears, I've laughed long and hard. I've partied. I've slept. I've renewed old friendships and I've cultivated new ones. I've learned some hard lessons. I spent one month so angry at everything and everyone I'm surprised I didn't spit fire (I worked out hard instead). I've played with my kids and watched them with worried, anxious eyes while they continue to go through their own journey. I've reflected about my past and planned some of my future. I've immediately thrown away my plans after deciding planning ahead is futile and opened my arms wide to whatever the future brings. I've thought about who I am and what I want. I've thought about boys. And sometimes even men! I've learned the difference between being alone and being lonely. I've learned I probably need more sleep than I get!

I personally know three other people on the same journey which is just sad. Seems like everyone my age is getting divorced and if they aren't, they are sticking it out, but miserable. How come we don't know how to be happy anymore? Or is that people were miserable before too, they just stayed married because they didn't have a choice?  I'm starting to think we just aren't meant to be in long-term relationships. The only reason we stay together is because we want to avoid the unpleasantness of breaking up. The people that make it 70 years married and are still relatively happy? I think they are just so senile by now, they don't care who they spend time with.

Yikes! Cynical tonight!

On that note, I bid you adieu!


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