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Tuesday, June 23, 2015

The Daily Chai is Pained

Today's chai latte....fml I can't even continue, it's so depressing.

I told someone today that I find jokes painful to listen to because when the person gets to the punch line I rarely think it's funny (or I just don't get why it's supposed to be funny) and I'm left to fake a laugh to be cool or be less of a bitch that just doesn't appreciate basic humour. I love comedians, I love sitcoms, I love a good, funny story. But listening to someone who just isn't funny tell a joke is pure torture for me. Added to that, I have a strange sense of humour anyway, so I'm pretty much screwed when it comes to conventional laughs. I have a feeling that by sharing this little fun fact about me, a certain Carl's Jr fan will be "entertaining" me with knock knock jokes all day just out of spite.

I think karma decided to fuck with me today because Kate wanted to entertain me tonight in her bath by telling me jokes. Kill. Me. Now. Didn't I JUST SAY I don't like jokes?

"So there's this kid. And his teacher tells him he needs to learn his alphabet," 

"Uh Kate? You told me this one already"

"I don't care, I'm telling you again. So he, uh, goes home and asks his mom, who's on the phone, what the first letter of the alphabet is and she, uh, says, "Shut up!" Ok? So then he goes in his dad, his dad is watching a game on tv right? Ok, so he asks his dad....he asks his dad...what the........." Suddenly there is silence. She has found a cut on her big toe. 


"Oh, sorry. So he asks his dad, "What's the second letter of the alphabet?" and just at the same time, there's a goal and his dad yells, he yells, "Score!" Ok? So then, uh, the kid goes to his little brother who's playing with his cars and he asks him...he says, "What's the third letter of the alphabet?" And his little brother goes, "Vroom!" No wait, he says, "Red car!" No...okay yeah, I'll just say that. So then the kid, he goes to school the next day and the teacher wants to know if he learned his alphabet, right?  So she's like, Johnny, did you learn your alphabet and he's like, "Shut up!" And the teacher is like, "Go to the office!" And the kid is like, "Score!" And the teacher is like, "How are you going to get there?" And the kid goes, "Vroom! No wait. RED CAR!"
And that is the joke in its entirety. I told her it wasn't funny and I think she is missing something, but then I think it's just as likely that I'm missing the point somewhere along here and maybe to normal people, it IS funny. I really have no idea. I do know, however, that Kate should probably not go into comedy as her career choice.

And just so I don't leave Anna out of it, she told me today that she loved me and I said I loved her too. And then she looked at me solemnly, put her little hand on my cheek and said, "I'm going to marry you. Give me a kiss!"


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