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Tuesday, May 26, 2015

The Daily Chai Had to Make Do

Today's Chai was of the London Fog variety. I know you're thinking. What the fuck is a London Fog? It's not just a trench coat, I can tell you that. Those lovely ladies felt sorry for me and suggested they make me chai latte using a chai tea bag instead of the favour shot. Well, wonders never cease. They whipped up some milk, put in some sugary syrup and popped a chai bag in there. Not as good as the real thing, but hey!  They gave it to me for free to see if I would like it first so it was win/win as far as I'm concerned.  Plus, when I actually have to pay for one, it's only $2.85 as opposed to $4.80. Single mom saves money.

Just one quick update before I get on with it. Kate's foot is healing nicely, yay! I should go back to school and become a doctor.

Awesome friends, moving, competing divas, resting bitch face. Hmmmmm. I have a lot of things on my mind and it's fucking with my writing mojo. I may be an open book, but there are several things that are off limits, that I will not write about. These include: where I work, what I do, co-workers, my ex's story and the real reason why we broke up, the stupid thing my ex is doing now and relationships with boys that I may or may not have. So! I have to come up with something interesting to talk about that has nothing to do with those subjects. Today I asked for help.

There is this girl named Jenna. She is pretty awesome. The end.

Moving sucks. Packing sucks even more.

Divas are good people that have taken a wrong turn. They don't mean to be selfish bitches, but they honestly do not even understand that other people find their self-absorption offensive, irritating and rude. Shit, I think I may have just described myself. Oops.

Ahh...resting bitch face. It's really a pity, because so many people have it and they can't even help it. Some of you may not have heard of this syndrome, but it's quite serious. It's when you have what you think is a totally neutral expression on your face but you actually look like you are about to murder puppies. If people tell you all the time that you should smile more, it's because your resting bitch face is scaring the crap out of them. People may ask you what's wrong a lot, or think you're mad at them. And you get exhausted trying to explain all the time that you aren't mad or upset or anything. You are just thinking about what you might make for dinner. Or when they find out you are actually really nice, they act surprised. Like, really surprised and you're like, what the fuck? And then they think you aren't that nice anymore. In an effort to be less bitchy, you might even try to smile more, but it just hurts your face. Or people are always apologizing for bothering you when they aren't bothering you at all, but they apologize again and all you can think is, "Can you please just get on with it because now you are bothering me and you're wasting my time apologizing for wasting my time. Please stop." This definitely does not help with resting bitch face because now it's real bitch face and it scares people even more. They might even apologize again and you are starting to feel like you might scream if they don't get to the point. Or your spouse accuses you often of looking at him like he is an idiot even though you have very carefully made your face neutral in order to avoid that very accusation. That, my friends, is resting bitch face. You couldn't make a neutral face if your marriage depended on it. Sadly, there is no cure. Your face just looks like you hate everyone and everything and for the love of god, did they just use "lay" instead of "lie" AGAIN? WTF? If you have resting bitch face, you should just own that shit. There are some bonuses, after all, to having resting bitch face. People tend to get out of your way so you don't need to waste time saying, "Excuse me." They don't even start an argument with you because they take one look at your "expression" and know you will win anyway, so it's hopeless. You might be really crap at winning an argument, but you don't even have to try, so it's all good. Also, smiling gives you wrinkles, so why bother?


1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Dr Meg, Medicine Woman. Tuesday nights on CBC.