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Thursday, May 07, 2015

The Daily Chai Has Lost Her Mojo

Today's chai wasn't hot enough, but that is why God invented microwaves. Oh wait, that was science.

I'm not feeling overly chatty today. I took the kids to McDonald's for McHappy day. Shit, as I wrote that sentence, I realized how often I've written that sentence. Seems I don't like to cook and I was doing so well this week too!

My car is leaking oil.

It's 10:00 pm and the kids are still awake because we had a showing of our house today at 8:00 and bedtime came late.

And then Anna head-butted me and gave me a fat lip. I've decided I should wear red lipstick more often. And maybe get Botox.

While we waited for these people to waste my time look at my house, I took the kids to the park and then for a walk around the block. I was walking with my arm around Kate's shoulders while she held the dog leash and I held Anna's hand with my free hand. We were walking jerkily along because we are both very graceful girls that way and we were singing "I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane" complete with exaggerated arm gestures and wounded expressions. Then I started laughing and telling Kate I felt like a homeless person because we had no where to go while these people looked at the house and we were just wandering aimlessly around singing. I'm pretty sure that old woman thought I was drunk and leaning on my daughter for support while I sang loudly in the street. It reminded me of a scene from A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. Then I realized what a delightful human being I am and how all my friends must be just so embarrassed happy to have me in their lives. I'm THAT girl. Yay.

I was also very impressed by a boy that smiled at me and gave me a wolf-whistle while I walked with my two girls and my dog. I do so enjoy being treated like an object, especially when my girls are with me. Ah well, as my mother said, one day the wolf-whistles will stop and I won't know exactly when, but suddenly I will realize it never happens anymore and I will miss it. I agree that this is probably true although the feminist in me is howling in rage right now. Honestly, it was a little creepy, even if the kid was young and cute. Like, seriously? I have my kids with me. Don't be a dick. At least wait until I'm alone and offer to buy me a drink. Jesus.

I would like to defenestrate the next person who pisses me off. Thank you and your handy word of the day. Who knew there was a word for that, but it describes perfectly how I feel about sucky people at the moment. If only I was a bigger person, I might actually manage it.

And with that, I have some reading to do. Until next time, I remain your faithful and nutty blogger with a bloody lip.


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